Michael, my first crush!

That absolutely adorable face to the left is the face of my first crush, Michael Jackson. Yes, he really was a handsome child. Those eyes, that slight widow's peak, bright smile, button nose and lovely chocolate brown skin. I think I was about 5 years old when I first heard 'Rockin Robin' by the Jackson 5. I thought it was a cute, bouncy song and I just loved it.

When I saw Michael Jackson, I really just fell for him...I think I was about 8. I did not do as many kids do now and claim his as my husband. I was pretty innocent. I simply wanted to meet him and talk about his songs, what it was like to be in the Jackson 5, singing on stage...typical -innocent- groupie stuff. He was just awesome to me.

Years later when he popped back onto the musical scene with 'Off the Wall', I still had that crush. I still thought he was handsome, adorable and all. He still had the voice I loved. With 'Thriller,' here comes some sacrilege....I never got into the album 'Thriller'. I thought he danced fantastic, his voice was great, I loved the 'rap' by Vincent Price but the video just didn't really 'do it' for me. I recognized the whole event as being major but I was just a watcher and not a participant. I still had a crush on Michael but I had a bigger one on John Taylor of Duran Duran. Michael had been pushed aside by a lanky Brit. :)

As the years went on and Michael transformed himself from that adorable child I crushed on to what I can only describe as a bizarre, pseudo-white woman, that crush pretty much went the way of the Do-Do. I just didn't see the same person anymore.

The strangest thing is, when he died, I was stunned and very, very sad. I do not believe Michael was a drug addict. He may have been but I find it hard to believe a person is a drug addict when that person is in chronic pain. Very much like Larry Flint (publisher of Hustler), if the pain were cured, I do not think Michael would have taken pain meds...but that will never be known. I think there is much more to the story of his death than is being told. We may never know the whole story. But what I do know is I will miss him.