Views

Anyone who knows me knows that I like strange images. I like the fact that they may seem normal but when you take a good look you realize something is either completely off or just a bit surreal...like the image to the left. At a glance you see people working on what may be a balcony roof, some on top, others working on the bottom. A closer look reveals that the balcony seems to magically twist or morph into the floor for the workers under the balcony. A structure such as this could never exist in reality.

This photo is how I tend to view certain relationships. At a glance, the relationship seems normal even great but a closer look and you realize things are twisted and just unreal.

My husband keeps telling me that I felt our marriage/relationship was going well. He says I wanted things to continue 'as they were.' I was just so desperate to keep my husband that I ignored the obvious problems of the relationship. I realize this is his view of me in our marriage. He sees what he wishes. No matter how twisted and wrong I may think his view is, the view remains his.

I view our marriage like this photo, at a glance it appears normal, even commonplace. Give it a closer look and you will see the twisted reality that would set in motion disaster and collapse.

I am amazed that he could have this view, despite my actions to fix the mess that was our union. But there are many who would also look at that photo and say they see nothing wrong, nothing twisted, nothing strange or surreal. There are people who see what they want and refuse to see reality. If you reject reality enough, you leave denial behind and enter the realm of mental illness.

There were some huge flags that told me the meter was ticking out on my marriage. It dumbfounds me that any person would believe I wanted the status quo to continue...and I had the marriage counseling bills to support my desire for change.

One conclusion I can draw is simple, it's easy to believe something that supports one's own delusion or opinion. Saying one's spouse was blissfully blind to the reality of a bad marriage, that's why the other spouse left, gives huge justification to the action. To accept that the other person was working on fixing issues but YOU decided to throw in the towel without a fight shines a nasty light on yourself. It's like peeling back the curtain to reveal "The Picture of Dorian Gray." No one wants to see the ugliness of their own soul but for some people it's the only path to their salvation.

Autism, me, the kid and the ex

With Obama winning the White House one may think my life is sailing along quite well...at least for a short time. Well, it was for a short time but then reality has a way of crashing through again.

One developmental exam later and my son has been diagnosed with the most popular explanation for developmental delays -- Autism. It's true he twirls string, repeats phrases, has limited speech and probably a few other symptoms but a person still must wonder about such a diagnosis. It IS the most popular explanation and now I hear it can not be accurately diagnosed until about the age of 7. My son is 4. A woman at an Autism meeting I attended has a 2 year old with the diagnosis. I immediately thought...TWO!!! How can they know at the age of TWO!?

So, taking their word on it, I now qualify for various services to help my son 'make it' in the world. It's a complicated and stressful road to travel the bureaucracy of the special needs child. The one thing I have learned right off is, apply first, see if you qualify later. If you qualify, TAKE IT! Most programs have a 'use it or lose it' attitude. In the midst of all this, there are still other things to care for...me for instance.

Since several things have happened between me and the ex that I have not and will not share on here, he is not really around to take our son. By default, I have precious little free, adult time. The good thing about all these Autism resources is they do offer respite care for children with special needs. I can't imagine anyone putting their child with special needs with any old teenager.

The ex, well, what can one say. He's more worried about trivial matters than what his son needs. There are moments of clarity but mostly, he is focused somewhere else.

So, now I have a lovely 'Autism Awareness' car magnet that shall be slapped to my bumper...one day. It's amazing what others have experienced and what I have seen already. Life can throw you a turn and a twist sometimes. It would be nicer, easier if I had a partner to navigate this world but I will continue to do my best. It's all a person can do.

Obama wins...and Palin is 'hit by a bus'

OK...anyone who has read my blog knows I have been an Obama fan from pretty far back. Still, I am amazed, stunned and very proud that he won. It's an awesome victory and brought me to tears. I have -never- felt that much emotion over a presidential election...not even for Clinton!

Honestly, I would have loved for Hillary to be where Obama is now. I really wanted her to be president. I know many hate her but I like the woman. Hey, there's no accounting for taste. LOL!

As for John McCain...I think the campaign drove him a bit nutty. He did things during the campaign that I don't think he would have done otherwise. He is an honorable man, for the most part...I disagree with his calling Koreans 'gooks'. His speech was sincere and should be a unifying force for the months to come.

Palin...hmmmmm...it's been recently said that she didn't know Africa is a continent, she thought it was a country. True or not her other fumbles were enough to convince me that she had no business in the White House as anything other than a tourist. However, the way the McCain camp has thrown their once 'Golden Girl' under the bus is disgusting. McCain has been honorable in defeat but the rest of his camp are all blaming Palin. She's not perfect and I don't like her at all but SHE is not fully at fault for the loss.

This was an exciting election cycle but I'm glad it's done. Now, if I were tapped to advise President Obama, I'd tell him to choose a path for economic recovery that will fulfill his promises and keep our nation strong, end this un-ending war, carry your head high even (or especially) when you make mistakes. DO NOT get yourself a 'Monica.' Also...pick an American Pit-Bull Terrier for the White House puppy. Why? Because like black men in this country, they have had TONS of bad press that is undeserved.

Nit-picking

For whatever reason I have forgone my better judgment and began reading some comments from people (white people) who are not in favor of Barack Obama as president. While it's easy to label them all racist and move on, I was just curious as to the arguments given to NOT support Obama.

I'm a Democrat, that's not a secret, but when I criticize a Republican candidate, there is usually substance to my criticism. I don't like McCain because I disagree with his policy to reward the rich with tax cuts on the backs of the poor and middle-class. I also have a problem with his reference to Korean people as 'gooks'. Don't take my word, read it yourself here. I know he is talking about the Koreans who tortured him but that is no excuse...besides, we all know if a person instantly resorts to a racial slur in anger, there MUST be racism in that person's heart.

I think these are valid, solid reasons to NOT support McCain...your mileage may vary.

Back to my readings...someone said Obama probably couldn't pass a U.S. Citizenship test, nor could he be cleared to work for the FBI or Secret Service. These 'reasons' to NOT vote for Obama are simply bogus. These 'reasons' imply that Obama is too dumb to pass that test and he must be a criminal because he can't get a security clearance. But let's take a closer look at both comments.

The U.S. Citizenship test is -VERY- difficult. I've heard this from people planning to take the test. An example question is, "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me death'." I know the answer to this question because I had to do a paper on this guy in 3rd grade. Most people don't remember American history assignments from 3rd grade. That was Patrick Henry, by the way.

Other questions are, "When was the Constitution written?", "Can it be changed?", "What are the qualifications to become president?"

Obama has a J.D. from Harvard. This fact does not mean he could easily pass this test but it does mean the man is intelligent.

On to the security clearance issue...it's an unfair criticism. The person was not saying Obama couldn't get security clearance, she said he could not be 'cleared to WORK for either organization.' There is a huge difference. To work in law enforcement requires much more than not being a criminal. A person needs the personality for such work. Many people could not be cleared to work for the FBI or the Secret Service. That's why such jobs are so prestigious. Many can't work for the IRS, where I work, because of mistakes made as a youth. The background check for this work is -extensive-.

However, not passing a background check for a job does not automatically make a person a criminal or untrustworthy. The checks go back -several- years, usually to a time when you felt whatever you were doing wasn't 'a big deal'. Or, sometimes the person is NOT the real issue, but he/she associated with another who is a security threat. Still, knowing a person who makes bad choices isn't illegal.

This is why I say these reasons are nit-pickings. If you don't like Obama, at least give a valid reason. Say you don't like his tax plan or you agree he is 'untested'. These bogus reasons do show a type of racism, IMHO.

Throughout history, black people in American have had to be better in every way to get ahead. Blacks have had to convince whites that they can do the job better than the white person trying for the same position. Many times, the whites who still don't like that black person will resort to nit-picking and fixating on some trivial crap to justify their racist decision. If you don't think a black man can run the country, just say that. Don't resort to nit-picking over trivial details that have no bearing on the person's ability to do the job.

BTW, passing the citizenship test or being able to work for the FBI or Secret Service are NOT required to be president. Technically, ALL candidates for president and VP meet qualifications for president...which is scary when you look at Sarah Palin!