Views

Anyone who knows me knows that I like strange images. I like the fact that they may seem normal but when you take a good look you realize something is either completely off or just a bit surreal...like the image to the left. At a glance you see people working on what may be a balcony roof, some on top, others working on the bottom. A closer look reveals that the balcony seems to magically twist or morph into the floor for the workers under the balcony. A structure such as this could never exist in reality.

This photo is how I tend to view certain relationships. At a glance, the relationship seems normal even great but a closer look and you realize things are twisted and just unreal.

My husband keeps telling me that I felt our marriage/relationship was going well. He says I wanted things to continue 'as they were.' I was just so desperate to keep my husband that I ignored the obvious problems of the relationship. I realize this is his view of me in our marriage. He sees what he wishes. No matter how twisted and wrong I may think his view is, the view remains his.

I view our marriage like this photo, at a glance it appears normal, even commonplace. Give it a closer look and you will see the twisted reality that would set in motion disaster and collapse.

I am amazed that he could have this view, despite my actions to fix the mess that was our union. But there are many who would also look at that photo and say they see nothing wrong, nothing twisted, nothing strange or surreal. There are people who see what they want and refuse to see reality. If you reject reality enough, you leave denial behind and enter the realm of mental illness.

There were some huge flags that told me the meter was ticking out on my marriage. It dumbfounds me that any person would believe I wanted the status quo to continue...and I had the marriage counseling bills to support my desire for change.

One conclusion I can draw is simple, it's easy to believe something that supports one's own delusion or opinion. Saying one's spouse was blissfully blind to the reality of a bad marriage, that's why the other spouse left, gives huge justification to the action. To accept that the other person was working on fixing issues but YOU decided to throw in the towel without a fight shines a nasty light on yourself. It's like peeling back the curtain to reveal "The Picture of Dorian Gray." No one wants to see the ugliness of their own soul but for some people it's the only path to their salvation.