Classmate

I have no explanation for why a particular former classmate has jumped from my memory into my present thoughts. I could understand such a leap if the classmate was a good friend but this girl was just the opposite. I have no fond memories of this girl at all and when I remember her, I wish I knew her full name so I could try and find her and just let her know how I feel. Of course, she probably does not remember me at all...that's the nature of such matters. She was very mean-spirited towards me and now she probably has no memory of these actions. I will carry those memories forever and I just wish I could let her know that her actions were unnecessary. If she did not like me, she could have just said it and that way I would have known to ignore her pseudo-friendliness.

But being honest and just saying, "I don't like you," is rarely the actions taken by a person who is hostile. What happens is, the person feeling the hostility is left to wonder what he/she has done to bring this hostility out. The other person seems to be, appears to be, a normal, rational human being and besides, "I" have done nothing to make this person made at me. Au contraire...yes you have if you look closer and examine the situation.

This girl who could not stand me (it was so obvious that other classmates asked what had happened between us) had her reasons to not liking me but they stemmed from a place that had nothing to do with me personally. Looking at her background...this girl grew up in a suburb, she is white, lived a very easy life as far as material possessions go and something I think I just realized is, she may have been very cliquey. You know the type...I'm in the clique, you aren't good enough to be in the clique so I'm going to be a bitch to you because I'm better than you. Also, this girl had never been around many black people...that has to factor in because living in the Mid-West, it ALWAYS factors in when speaking about petite, suburban white girls...especially the ones with blue eyes and blond hair.

I still remember the moment when I realized this girl was being evil towards me and I had done nothing to warrant the treatment. We were placed on a group project for college, me and two other suburban girls. THEY decided that we would meet at one of THEIR houses (they lived in the same neighborhood)...I would have to drive WAY out of my way for these meetings. THEY refused to meet on campus. When I went to study, this girl shot down every idea, thought, comment I gave to contribute to our so-called collaboration. So, the deal was, this girl and the other girl arranged the meeting times, place and all the work then planned on just telling me what I could/should do.

At the time, I was just totally put off by the situation. Today, I would have asked my teacher if I could change groups. If that did not work, I would have requested a change within the group. I realize now that this girl was hostile towards me because she is probably a racist. This black person did not know and would not stay in her place. This girl was definitely elitest...coming from the suburbs she felt this 'ghetto chick' was not an equal. On another level, she probably has low self-esteem because in my own way, I am very blunt and out-spoken at times.

The thing I am very proud of about this situation is that I did not quietly take that abuse. I rejected the two girls and studied on my own. I refused to drive to their neighborhoods because I honestly was not certain if my car would consistently make it home. This girl said, "You made it the first time." I replied, "If I don't make it another time, are YOU going to drive me home?" She refused by then attempted to destroy my credibility within our group. She planned a full group meeting, there were about 9 people in the total group, we were just a dysfunctional trio. She called me, did NOT give the whole information that this was a full group meeting and NOT just the dysfunctional trio so I refused to meet. This, of course, put a negative image on me to the group. But when I discovered it was a full group meeting, I made it clear that this girl did NOT tell me the importance of the meeting.

Still, I had the last laugh...I got a great grade on the project.

Thinking now, I think I know why she came to mind...there is a woman I met about a year ago and have kept in contact with. I could not for the life of me remember where I had met this girl. She was in my group on this group project...not the girl I have been speaking of, but a very nice woman who I remember being very nice. I had been trying to remember where I met her and I guess when you dig through old memories to find a good one, the crap pops to the surface as well.