Who is the real fighting opponent?

Have you ever been in a fight with your ex only to discover part-way through the "negotiations" that you really are not fighting with your ex. There is an invisible opponent hovering over you both and the fight is really with that specter, not the ex.

That invisible person is the new "plus-one" in your ex's life and the demands and dictates of that person are coming out of your ex's mouth. This reality brings a whole new level of fighting to the forefront. Now, you are not only confronting the ex about the personal crap the two of you have lived, there is the added crap of the demands of a person you don't know and most likely don't like or respect. There is some invisible force fueling a fight you never wanted, intended or created...but the fight is here, you are in it and the person who caused it sits quietly and safely at their own home. This person is the one you are fighting and the person in front of you is simply a puppet.

I realize immediately that anyone who allows his or herself to be pulled and controlled like that by another is pretty pathetic but that does not stop such situations from happening. The new person in the ex's life tends to feel his/her needs and wants trump any of your needs and wants.

This situation creates a unique mine field to navigate. How do you fight a person who seems to have complete control over your ex, who in turn has the power to hurt your family, specifically your child. What do you do regarding a person who is pulling the strings of of your ex so well that your ex can ignore the love and adoration of a child in favor of satisfying the puppeteer? How do you deal with a woman who is so clearly selfish that she would weasel this weak individual into lying to his son for her own self gratification?

If all you know about a person is the horrible effects he/she has on another that you -must- deal with, how is it possible to have a positive view of this other person at all? That other person becomes nothing more than the enemy. The ex is a protective fool, blind to the facts that he/she has become nothing more than a delivery mechanism. He/she is delivering demands from the current bed companion to the ex, resulting in a fight that really should not be happening.

If this person were not behaving like a 'tool', there would be no fight. But in order to not be a tool, puppet or fight delivery mechanism, he/she has to buck up and tell the new buddy something simple...the old relationship is none of the new person's business. Of course, if the puppet could do that, the fight would have never happened in the first place...which means what for the person fighting the ghost?