Selfish

For those of you who read this blog, you already know of some of my trials and tribulations in regards to ending my marriage. It has not been an easy road and it is not done yet. However, a certain second party in this dissolution suddenly feels the need to end it all. There is a sudden imperative urge to dump the wife (that being me) and bring in the new meat (that being the girlfriend).

Of course there is the claim that the divorce is just needed and it is not so this person can run off into the sunset with the new prize. This is an effort to help me, this is for my benefit, this is his heart finally realizing that avoiding the divorce for years is actually emotionally detrimental and out of the goodness of his heart, now is the perfect time to end the marriage...not about 5 years ago when he left his pregnant wife and constantly said he would return. Not even as recently as a couple years ago when he did move back only to plan another escape and not inform his wife. Now is the perfect time because he fears losing custody of the son he tends to ignore and neglect and losing the girlfriend who, after two years in that role, is tired of waiting for him to marry her.

While it is obvious to be rid of this man as a husband is totally a blessing, his sudden urgency is a moot and annoying point. I have so many other major issues in life: the health of my child, my own personal health, a stressful job, preparing my son for kindergarten...why NOW does he want to throw in divorce/child custody. It's an answer as simple as one word...selfishness.

This tactic of explaining how his act will benefit me is tried, true and very old. I know others have seen people do this but pull aside the curtain and you will reveal the truth...the so-called charitable act is really a selfish move by that other person. He has felt no charity for the past 5 years and now, most likely at the arm-twisting of an impending new spouse, he wants to grant me a "gift" of divorce. He claims this is between just us but the reality of the situation is there is a third interested party that he is trying to distract me from. I am supposed to pretend this woman does not exist, that she is not emotionally invested in trying to land my husband as her's, and I am supposed to ignore the bad effects both of their selfish attitudes have on my son...who I have been raising, alone, for the past several years while he pursues this new wife material.

Selfishness is a peculiar situation. It amazes me how another person can care so little about others and only act to satisfy their own needs...and sometimes even convince themselves that the act is for the benefit of the other person. The best advice I can give anyone is this, do not have a child with a person that you know will only act in his/her own best interest. That selfishness will eventually hurt the child you love and the other person will move on with little or no cares about the pain he/she has inflicted on you or your child.