Jon and Kate disintagrate

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines the word "disintegrate" as to break or decompose into constituent elements, parts, or small particles. This would be the opposite of the word, "integrate," meaning to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole.

Jon and Kate Gosselin were integrated into a union when they married. They are definitely disintegrating now. Less than a month after announcing their separation on their hit reality TV show "Jon and Kate plus 8," Jon is off on vacation with a new girlfriend.

I never watched their show. I had nothing for or against the show, I only heard rumors. The rumors were that Kate was controlling. She is anal. She is bossy. She is everything but a good mother. She is money hungry and neglects her children. Even if all that were true, how horrible is it for her children to see dad running around with a girlfriend?

The pair have 8 children, sextuplets and a set of twins. Unfortunately, the twins are old enough to understand that daddy just dumped mommy. Even with all her flaws that may or may not exist, Kate deserves better respect.

I watched some psychologists discussing this situation. They all agreed that this is a terrible situation for all the children. They even offered an explanation for Jon's behavior. One said many times men become passive in a relationship, especially marriage. The husband will 'go along' with whatever the wife desires until he has ignored his own needs so long that he feels justified in juvenile, selfish behavior. He essentially 'finds his voice'. But once found, he leaves the union, usually angry and blaming the wife for his own passive behavior.

Jon probably did just that. On the show he never looked happy. This was something he just went along with until finally, his unhappiness blew up. Do I feel sorry for Jon? Not at all. He chose to keep quiet, he chose to do the show, he also chose to run around with a 22 year old girlfriend while his wife (yes, she is still his wife) cares for the 8 children he helped create. Some may say I am biased here.

My marriage was very much like this, sans the reality TV show spotlight. My husband was very passive in our lives. Unfortunately for me, the negotiations I thought we had were just me saying isn't this a good idea and him nodding blindly 'yes' to whatever I wanted. I think men who do this need to grow up, find their voices...or better yet, never lose them...and say what they want/need. Blaming the wife for their short-comings is completely unfair. If one person in a relationship is passive, the other has to take charge. If both are passive, nothing gets done. Kate most likely took charge because Jon was waiting for her to do so. That's how it happened in my household. Waiting for the husband's opinion on a subject or for him to take action (and he never does) is frustrating. Also, non-action is a controlling move. If you are waiting for another to do something and they procrastinate on purpose, it delays you. One could find themselves in a position of begging for results while the other enjoys the manipulative power. This is a dysfunctional relationship.

Jon and Kate's relationship may have started fine, but it has ended in dysfunction. I do not blame Kate (or myself) for a husband's -choice- to become passive. What I do blame Jon for is his total lack of respect for his wife and disregard of his children's feelings. I'm certain his desire to hook up could have been kept in check long enough to finalize a divorce first. He is setting a horrible example for his children but he is also a pathetic excuse for selfish behavior to other men who have done the same as him or similar.