My marriage is ending and I find myself returning to the blissful meadow or more likely, mine field, of dating. The re-focusing of one's mind from a single person, purpose, goal and life to checking out the field of prospects is interesting to say the least.
I went to a religious conference on Friday. The event spoke about bringing Christian values in to the work place. Interesting concept, interesting speakers, interesting that I felt surrounded by men who I viewed as a meat market. Tall, short, fat, thin, bald, long hair, short hair, black, white, business suits, casual gear...all loving the Lord (and probably their wives too). Young spicy numbers, classy mature men, the 40-ish crowd looking confident and set with their worlds. The 30-somethings, still young enough to be dangerous but smart enough to know what they are doing. Late-teens with tons of stamina and energy, 20s with stamina and a bit of imagination. The variety is staggering but put them through a mental filter, test the waters and you realize the “game” remains the same.
There are the men who you barely look at with egos so huge that they think you are in love immediately. Guys who fall like a ton of bricks for you, only to treat you like you have HPV and various other “friends” when they find out you have a child...or they ask for money and you treat them like they have the plague if you are smart.
Rich men who think you only want their money, poor men who only want your money. Sex hounds who say, “Hello, when are we going to rent a motel room?” The motel is needed because he lives with his mom and she won't allow booty-calls in her house. Men who won't touch you until you are properly wed, but are so horny they most likely will mount any vibrating appliance in the house, a washer on the spin cycle is always good for a cheap thrill...find the warm spot.
Men who chat you up, then chat you down. Men who want you to make all the moves, then damn you for being aggressive. Men who make all the moves and damn you for not being receptive.
Then there's the “Anything but black...” syndrome that seems to have grown. Many men won't even give a black woman a try. This is all general, of course, I haven't been single long enough to experience them all but I know they are there...lurking and waiting to waste my time.
Looking is a daunting task, finding a “good one” is always nice. What is a good one...that varies. Even with emotional luggage, a person can open up enough to welcome new friends and relationships. Are there good men out there, of course.
Mr. romance who treats you like a lady...opens doors, holds chairs, carries your coat, lets you wear his if you are cold. He buys flowers, candy, gifts or just gives you a nice foot rub on a bad day. He listens to your personal BS and of course, you listen to his because he wants to share.
The regular old “blue-collar guy,” this guy isn't fancy, isn't really romantic, certainly isn't going to shower you with tons of high-priced gifts but hey, you know when this guy loves you. There is no question about it. You'll be his “old lady” and when he says that, he'll mean it.
Sir with the slow hand, filled with passion and knows how to show it. This would be the opposite of Mr. Speedy Gonzales who wants to take you immediately to a motel. He takes his time, shows affection and lets you figure out when/if more will happen. If you decide more will happen, he makes it worth your while.
There are more men, of course, but dating remains the same. Tell to much and you risk blowing it all. Tell to little and the same could happen. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow but it won't kill you. Whether it's their loss or your shot down dream, it's best to remember if one passes you buy, another will be along. Just wait for him and be ready when he shows up.
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