Duran Duran still rules!

I remember when I became a Duran Duran fan. I was entering high school and heard the song "Girls on Film." It was a catchy song and I liked the opening drum beats. It was the early 80's.

Little did I know at the time that I would join the millions of girls worldwide as what affectionately became known as "Duranies." There was a time when I knew all their weights, heights, the order their songs played on an album, the album titles (including several imports) and the names of their pets and girlfriends. I had several buttons of them and I wore them all, all the time to the point that the buttons on my jacket actually weighed more than the jacket itself.

I've attended several concerts, even in their later years, and I just think they are great...still. As a true fan, I had a favorite; John Taylor. If you look at his photo, do you really have to ask why? He's over 6' tall, nicely built, has an award-winning smile, that square Superman-like chin, sleepy brown eyes and tons of musical talent. He is probably the most talented member of Duran Duran.

I have to admit, I haven't kept up with my group of choice in years but still, the love for them remains. Another blogger commented that the music of our youth stays with us through the years. What an insightful comment! It really does. The music brings back good and bad memories and emotions from years ago. The songs are more than just bouncy tunes that DJs of the past dismissed as rubbish. These were the songs and performers of our youth who spoke to us. Maybe not in such profound poetry as the performers of the 60s or 70s...well, really just the 60s (LOL!), but the songs were still meaningful.

When I hear "Save a Prayer" by Duran Duran, I do think of a passionate one-night stand but it also reminds me of the HIV/AIDS crisis of that time. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is the song that really endeared me to Duran Duran because Simon LeBon chases a black woman throughout the video. This was the first time I'd seen on film a white man driven crazy with passion for a black woman. She was the object of beauty and although she was presented as kind of an animal in the video, so was he.

It's somewhat laughable that their videos created such controversy at the time...well, "Girls on Film" WAS pretty fetish-filled. Still, Duran Duran was also underrated, just like many 80s bands and other performers...yes, Adam Ant too. The best thing about their declining fame is it appears it may be easier to meet them one day...finally!

Ant Music

Lately, memories of the 80's have been populating my thoughts, specifically about a young guy named Adam Ant.

I'd honestly forgotten just how much I adored this guy. OK, he dressed like a cross between a pirate and a Native American, bounced around stage like he had ants in his pants and sang lyrics that were not exactly poetic literature, but he was fun...and underrated.

For all his style and frolicking about, he did have hits and an amount of staying power that beat out other 80's performers. Looking back on that time, I would have placed money of Spandau Ballet to continue over Adam Ant. I liked quite a few performers but I was also very aware that the flash could easily disappear and take Adam along. Mr. Ant even spoke about that in the song "Goody Two Shoes." Never being a fan of the media, he warns, "Look out or they'll tell you you you're a superstar, Two weeks and you're an all-time legend, I think the game has gone much too far..."

What I find amazing, sitting here in my 40's, is that I totally expected to no longer be attracted to -any- 80's singers anymore. Alas, I was wrong. Adam Ant, even slightly heavier and bald is still a VERY sexy man. That goes double for Mr. John Taylor of Duran Duran. Even Thomas Dolby, who is being sold as a "one-hit wonder" these days on VH-1, is still pretty cute and sexy without hair and several years later.

But the best thing about this realization is, the ability to express it without a ridiculing comment from others nearby. For whatever reason, and an even more baffling thing that I tolerated it, my husband took great joy in insulting my musical tastes. Of course he claimed it was just joking but I know differently now. Jokes don't hurt feelings, they are supposed to be funny.

This goes back to acceptance. Although I loved Adam Ant with his outrageous look, my friends in the 80's accepted that from me. In fact, they expected me to be "in love" with the latest British Invasion performer wearing make-up and leather or ruffles. That was/is a part of my uniqueness and it is unfortunate that the man I married chose to mock this quality instead of embrace it...of course, this is partly why we are no longer together. I never asked him to like my music, just accept that I did.

Little initials + your name = smater than others

Lately, when people who know about my son's Autism diagnosis begin to drill me with questions, I've been giving the same reply. Here's an example of such a conversation.

Questioner: "How can they say he has Autism. Look at what he's doing now. That shows intelligence, imagination and he is NOT secluded in his own world."

My reply: "Because a person with little initials said it IS a symptom of Autism and because he/she has those little initials, he/she is smarter than we are. The little initials means that other person can slap a label on others, labels that can profoundly change the course of another person's life."

That response usually frustrates the questioner into silence. Then I have a thought of, welcome to MY world.

I would hope most parents never have to experience such a thing with their child...to have a person with a piece of paper telling you about your child's "defects". There is such a strange moment when you realize this person has concluded that your child will not do A, B, and C, and the child is destined for this, that and other things. The initialed person makes this conclusion usually in less time than the mother took to bring the kid into the world through labor.

So after you receive one of these life-altering diagnosis and you have repressed the feeling to run naked and screaming through fresh snow, then there is the learning. The initialed person may point you in a direction but he/she certainly won't take you by the hand and go there with you.

As a parent, you must take the initiative and be an advocate for your child. Never take what others say as your child's limits. Accept the child as-is but also have goals set. Help the child move forward because honestly, the kid has no idea what he/she can and cannot do. I think this is how so many handicapped children achieve things doctors said they never would.

Nothing is easy about this but nothing worth having is ever easy.

"Falling" in love

I've heard people say that dozens of times, "I fell in love..." I've probably said it a few times too but now I think the whole phrase is just inaccurate.

When people say that, I can only guess they really mean what they say. But look at the verb closer, the word "fell." It is the past-tense of "fall," meaning you are already in love. But when we say "fall/fell," what does that word mean?

Webster's Dictionary has several meanings for the word, including to suddenly go from an erect position involuntarily and to die in battle. But I am certain when people say they fell in love they mean to pass suddenly and passively into a state of body or mind or a new state or condition. That is the "official" definition of someone's statement, "I fell in love."

I tend to disagree because many times love is not sudden or passive. When we are seeking love, we intentionally move in that direction. It is a gradual journey that is neither sudden or passive.

To elaborate, a couple could be dating for years but never be in love. Many times this is because one or both in the union have decided the other has a quality that is somewhat intolerable. I do not mean something petty like the girl's hair is too long or the guy scratches himself too much. I mean things like, he or she does not want children and the other does. In a situation like this, people make a decision to NOT fall in love. They may love that person, but it is not the traditional sense of falling in love where you are just goofy for the other and ignore faults. Still, no amount of love will make such a couple commit and marry. They find themselves in a holding pattern until someone better comes along...kind of like in the film "When Harry met Sally..."

So, I believe when people go goofy for each other and actually fall in love, the act is really a decision. People see their partner's flaws but a choice is made to "live with it." That snoring is not so bad because she/he is so wonderful with everything else. The lack of romance is not so bad because he shows love in his own special way. Her clinging to me like wet linen is not so bad because that is just her way of saying she loves me. Would it not be fantastic if those flaws did not begin to grate on your nerves as the years go by. It is the rare couple indeed that does not experience this slow march from love to annoyance.

So I would argue with Webster's that "falling" in love is neither passive or sudden. We pick people we want to love then go about ignoring various flaws to help ourselves love that person. That is a deliberate decision and there is nothing sudden about it. But even such a beginning can create long-lasting and loving relationships. The collapse of a marriage happens, in some cases, when one or the other can no longer ignore flaws. A GREAT example of this is in the film "War of the Roses."

Loving another and committing to a life together can be a wonderful, fantastic feeling...but it is neither passive, nor sudden. Even the so-called "whirlwind romance" is deliberate and planned...to a certain extend. But when love dies, especially for only one-half of the union, it is hard to believe/understand what you did to kill the love in the other person. The simple answer is you did nothing. The other person moved away and in many cases you did not push. You were being you while she/he realized your so-called "flaws" were too much to handle.

Judging Autism

After receiving the diagnosis of Autism for my son, I guess I am becoming less tolerant of the judging stares people give. I saw a documentary on Autism and it appears many other parents feel that same sting of judgment.

When others see a child of school age in a pull-up, the assumption is that the mother and father are doing nothing to toilet train the child. People assume the child is running the home and the parents just are not taking control of the issue. I've heard I should just find an older "grandma" type of care provider...oh yes, make sure she's Black...and my son will be potty trained in a day. Or, just throw away or give away all the pull ups and VOILA! He will go to the potty when he decides he does not like the mess on his body.

These ideas may work for a child who is not Autistic but not always on the Autistic child. For whatever reasons, an Autistic child will have a meltdown instead of associating the discomfort with not using the toilet. The last thing you want to do is created an avoidance of the toilet.

Toilet training for an Autistic child is so difficult that there are books on the subject. Still, the most annoying part of any of this is the judging eyes from others, even children. Kids are told to be a "big boy/girl," they have to use the potty. An Autistic child will not respond to this source of shame. Autistic kids just do not care about that big boy/girl issue.

What people do not understand is Autism, to the untrained eye, is a hidden disability. Unless you recognize symptoms, the average person just sees a child throwing tantrums for no reason. There is a reason, we may not know it, but there is a reason.

The frustration an Autistic child feels when he/she can not communicate is very real can drive them to react with a tantrum. With Autism reaching epidemic levels, people really should learn the symptoms of this disability instead of passing judgment on parents.

Clarification

After taking another look at my recent post, I concluded that some, erroneously so, may conclude I have some race issues. Quite the contrary. Some of my best friends are white women...just not the type of white woman who has ever used crying as a manipulative tool...well, at least not in front of me.

Let's face it, any woman can use tears to get her way depending on the situation and the target of the manipulation. It becomes ugly when she uses it regularly and feigns weakness in the process but her true intentions are to control the situation. When one pretends to be weak but is actually taking a position of power, that's called passive-aggression.

According to WebMD, passive aggression is "apparently compliant behavior, with intrinsic obstructive or stubborn qualities, to cover deeply felt aggressive feelings that cannot be more directly expressed."

I have seen women cry, pretend to comply with whatever made them cry, then turn around and do whatever it takes to obstruct what they just agreed with. This usually comes with an attack that if that other person had just been nicer, she would have tried harder. We know that claim is BS but hey, what cha' gonna do? Such a person is so wrapped up in herself that when she does not get her way because YOU had the nerve to need/want something, it is YOUR fault when SHE messes things up for you.

This behavior is not limited to white women, of course not. Anyone can be passive aggressive. Speaking from personal experience (and what other experience would I have? :) ) no sane person deserves to be romantically involved with a passive aggressive "partner."

One first observance is, he/she will never be your partner, not in a true sense of the word. While you blissfully walk through life believing he/she is by your side, that person is plotting ways to NOT cooperate. But wait you say, he/she said it was a great idea. You are fantastic for thinking of that vacation, that outing, that party at the house. It appears to be moving well until the time comes for the event and then your "partner" suddenly has this or that to do. The idea is still great but he/she suddenly has to get the car washed or any other obscure task to avoid the event. If you press the issue, suddenly this is YOUR fault because he/she was simply trying to make you happy by complying. Resentment builds in this "partner" until he/she feels justified in attacking you in various emotional ways.

However, I would never ask someone to simply take my word for this existing. MedlinePlus has a list of symptoms of passive aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, many look very familiar.

This sounds crazy, and at one time this condition was listed as a mental disorder, but these people know what they are doing. I'd like to think people who are mentally ill are somewhat clueless about their behaviors. I think passive aggressive people are clearly aware of their behavior and its effects. They spend so much time pretending to comply and avoiding the truth while simultaneously sabotaging everyone else that they have to be aware of the damage. This is why they are so adept at "acting sullen." If they jumped for joy after creating havoc, people would see their true nature and avoid them like the plague.

White women, Black women

I had a talk with various influential people in my life about a subject that I pretty much knew the answer to already. The conversation came up out of curiosity and general annoyance with men...well, some men anyway. The subject is simple on the surface but infinitely complicated if examined...white women and black women in our society. The question was deceptively simple, "Why do men, ALL men, tend to treat white women better than black women?"

My very wise informer said it was a hold over from slavery. Basically, black women were sex objects and got used. Black women were impregnated by men, both white and black, then left to raise children alone. White men were usually their owners so the black woman had no say in the sexual encounter in many cases. Sometimes sex was mutually desired but if the woman was a slave, she raised biracial children alone. In some cases, a black man would impregnate the black women because that was his "job." In a slave marriage, a black man could be sold. The result was the same, the black woman was alone with children fending for herself.

By contrast the white woman was seen as the ultimate jewel. She was a beautiful thing to behold and should be cared for and loved. She has the luxury of depending on a man to care for her, keep her from harm and when she falls, he (whether black or white) is there to help her up.

Still, when confronted with conflict, problems and challenges, the white woman will turn to her master weapon of manipulation...tears. Why do white women, many affluent white women, fall into a quivering, shaking ball of manipulative tears or bawling at the slightest sign of a problem? The tears can be followed by many other manipulative devices; guilt, sex (either giving or withholding), silent treatment, which ever tool works best. These tools (with sex being a possible regular exception) are used on both men and women regardless of race. But why? Because it works! Men will fall all over themselves to help a crying white woman while turning a deaf ear to the wails of a black woman.

Other white women, I think in recognition of the tools' use, will flock to the aid of their manipulative comrade while many black women sit back and wait for the knife to their backs. Once a white woman's tears fall, the black woman can expect to be thrown under the bumper of a fast moving bus. This is the sentiment of another blogger I've read...another black woman who isn't exactly thrilled by white women tears.

I thought about that image and said it is a very sad fact that American culture has accepted the devaluation of a group of women based just on color. I am amazed that any man would look at brown skin and determine that person does not deserve or desire love, caring, friendship and a shoulder to cry upon in hard times. Of course, these men will claim black women are strong, aggressive and send a message that "they don't need a man." That claim is really just an excuse. A man who says that has already made up his mind NOT to be in it for the long haul with that black woman.

But to be fair, not all white women are the image I have described. But the ones who fit this image know exactly what they are doing. The men who accept this manipulation are part of the continuing problems of racial division in this country and of course, not all men do this. Again, the ones who do, know what they are doing.

Can this be fixed? If so, how? My opinion on the issue is simple, when men of all races treat women of all races equally, this problem will cease. Basically, if a guy is a jerk to a black woman, please, by all means, be a jerk to the black women too! Hooray for continuity!

One good example of a man who treats his black woman as she deserves is our new president. I have seen nothing but loving images of them. I hope that continues.

I also am very proud to see Michelle Obama as our future first lady. I know her image will help erase the very wrong and stereotypical image of the "ghetto hoochie-mamma." Black women are not second to white women and should never be treated as such or viewed in that manner. However, to ignore the fact is turning a blind eye to the obvious.

White women like their position of power in our society, even while feigning weakness and plotting their manipulations. White men before Affirmative Action never wanted to share power in the corporate world. Affirmative Action forced change in the business world but it can't cause a change in social attitudes. Hopefully, the images of a successful, intelligent and beautiful black woman will help knock sense into these men's heads.

Views

Anyone who knows me knows that I like strange images. I like the fact that they may seem normal but when you take a good look you realize something is either completely off or just a bit surreal...like the image to the left. At a glance you see people working on what may be a balcony roof, some on top, others working on the bottom. A closer look reveals that the balcony seems to magically twist or morph into the floor for the workers under the balcony. A structure such as this could never exist in reality.

This photo is how I tend to view certain relationships. At a glance, the relationship seems normal even great but a closer look and you realize things are twisted and just unreal.

My husband keeps telling me that I felt our marriage/relationship was going well. He says I wanted things to continue 'as they were.' I was just so desperate to keep my husband that I ignored the obvious problems of the relationship. I realize this is his view of me in our marriage. He sees what he wishes. No matter how twisted and wrong I may think his view is, the view remains his.

I view our marriage like this photo, at a glance it appears normal, even commonplace. Give it a closer look and you will see the twisted reality that would set in motion disaster and collapse.

I am amazed that he could have this view, despite my actions to fix the mess that was our union. But there are many who would also look at that photo and say they see nothing wrong, nothing twisted, nothing strange or surreal. There are people who see what they want and refuse to see reality. If you reject reality enough, you leave denial behind and enter the realm of mental illness.

There were some huge flags that told me the meter was ticking out on my marriage. It dumbfounds me that any person would believe I wanted the status quo to continue...and I had the marriage counseling bills to support my desire for change.

One conclusion I can draw is simple, it's easy to believe something that supports one's own delusion or opinion. Saying one's spouse was blissfully blind to the reality of a bad marriage, that's why the other spouse left, gives huge justification to the action. To accept that the other person was working on fixing issues but YOU decided to throw in the towel without a fight shines a nasty light on yourself. It's like peeling back the curtain to reveal "The Picture of Dorian Gray." No one wants to see the ugliness of their own soul but for some people it's the only path to their salvation.

Autism, me, the kid and the ex

With Obama winning the White House one may think my life is sailing along quite well...at least for a short time. Well, it was for a short time but then reality has a way of crashing through again.

One developmental exam later and my son has been diagnosed with the most popular explanation for developmental delays -- Autism. It's true he twirls string, repeats phrases, has limited speech and probably a few other symptoms but a person still must wonder about such a diagnosis. It IS the most popular explanation and now I hear it can not be accurately diagnosed until about the age of 7. My son is 4. A woman at an Autism meeting I attended has a 2 year old with the diagnosis. I immediately thought...TWO!!! How can they know at the age of TWO!?

So, taking their word on it, I now qualify for various services to help my son 'make it' in the world. It's a complicated and stressful road to travel the bureaucracy of the special needs child. The one thing I have learned right off is, apply first, see if you qualify later. If you qualify, TAKE IT! Most programs have a 'use it or lose it' attitude. In the midst of all this, there are still other things to care for...me for instance.

Since several things have happened between me and the ex that I have not and will not share on here, he is not really around to take our son. By default, I have precious little free, adult time. The good thing about all these Autism resources is they do offer respite care for children with special needs. I can't imagine anyone putting their child with special needs with any old teenager.

The ex, well, what can one say. He's more worried about trivial matters than what his son needs. There are moments of clarity but mostly, he is focused somewhere else.

So, now I have a lovely 'Autism Awareness' car magnet that shall be slapped to my bumper...one day. It's amazing what others have experienced and what I have seen already. Life can throw you a turn and a twist sometimes. It would be nicer, easier if I had a partner to navigate this world but I will continue to do my best. It's all a person can do.

Obama wins...and Palin is 'hit by a bus'

OK...anyone who has read my blog knows I have been an Obama fan from pretty far back. Still, I am amazed, stunned and very proud that he won. It's an awesome victory and brought me to tears. I have -never- felt that much emotion over a presidential election...not even for Clinton!

Honestly, I would have loved for Hillary to be where Obama is now. I really wanted her to be president. I know many hate her but I like the woman. Hey, there's no accounting for taste. LOL!

As for John McCain...I think the campaign drove him a bit nutty. He did things during the campaign that I don't think he would have done otherwise. He is an honorable man, for the most part...I disagree with his calling Koreans 'gooks'. His speech was sincere and should be a unifying force for the months to come.

Palin...hmmmmm...it's been recently said that she didn't know Africa is a continent, she thought it was a country. True or not her other fumbles were enough to convince me that she had no business in the White House as anything other than a tourist. However, the way the McCain camp has thrown their once 'Golden Girl' under the bus is disgusting. McCain has been honorable in defeat but the rest of his camp are all blaming Palin. She's not perfect and I don't like her at all but SHE is not fully at fault for the loss.

This was an exciting election cycle but I'm glad it's done. Now, if I were tapped to advise President Obama, I'd tell him to choose a path for economic recovery that will fulfill his promises and keep our nation strong, end this un-ending war, carry your head high even (or especially) when you make mistakes. DO NOT get yourself a 'Monica.' Also...pick an American Pit-Bull Terrier for the White House puppy. Why? Because like black men in this country, they have had TONS of bad press that is undeserved.

Nit-picking

For whatever reason I have forgone my better judgment and began reading some comments from people (white people) who are not in favor of Barack Obama as president. While it's easy to label them all racist and move on, I was just curious as to the arguments given to NOT support Obama.

I'm a Democrat, that's not a secret, but when I criticize a Republican candidate, there is usually substance to my criticism. I don't like McCain because I disagree with his policy to reward the rich with tax cuts on the backs of the poor and middle-class. I also have a problem with his reference to Korean people as 'gooks'. Don't take my word, read it yourself here. I know he is talking about the Koreans who tortured him but that is no excuse...besides, we all know if a person instantly resorts to a racial slur in anger, there MUST be racism in that person's heart.

I think these are valid, solid reasons to NOT support McCain...your mileage may vary.

Back to my readings...someone said Obama probably couldn't pass a U.S. Citizenship test, nor could he be cleared to work for the FBI or Secret Service. These 'reasons' to NOT vote for Obama are simply bogus. These 'reasons' imply that Obama is too dumb to pass that test and he must be a criminal because he can't get a security clearance. But let's take a closer look at both comments.

The U.S. Citizenship test is -VERY- difficult. I've heard this from people planning to take the test. An example question is, "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me death'." I know the answer to this question because I had to do a paper on this guy in 3rd grade. Most people don't remember American history assignments from 3rd grade. That was Patrick Henry, by the way.

Other questions are, "When was the Constitution written?", "Can it be changed?", "What are the qualifications to become president?"

Obama has a J.D. from Harvard. This fact does not mean he could easily pass this test but it does mean the man is intelligent.

On to the security clearance issue...it's an unfair criticism. The person was not saying Obama couldn't get security clearance, she said he could not be 'cleared to WORK for either organization.' There is a huge difference. To work in law enforcement requires much more than not being a criminal. A person needs the personality for such work. Many people could not be cleared to work for the FBI or the Secret Service. That's why such jobs are so prestigious. Many can't work for the IRS, where I work, because of mistakes made as a youth. The background check for this work is -extensive-.

However, not passing a background check for a job does not automatically make a person a criminal or untrustworthy. The checks go back -several- years, usually to a time when you felt whatever you were doing wasn't 'a big deal'. Or, sometimes the person is NOT the real issue, but he/she associated with another who is a security threat. Still, knowing a person who makes bad choices isn't illegal.

This is why I say these reasons are nit-pickings. If you don't like Obama, at least give a valid reason. Say you don't like his tax plan or you agree he is 'untested'. These bogus reasons do show a type of racism, IMHO.

Throughout history, black people in American have had to be better in every way to get ahead. Blacks have had to convince whites that they can do the job better than the white person trying for the same position. Many times, the whites who still don't like that black person will resort to nit-picking and fixating on some trivial crap to justify their racist decision. If you don't think a black man can run the country, just say that. Don't resort to nit-picking over trivial details that have no bearing on the person's ability to do the job.

BTW, passing the citizenship test or being able to work for the FBI or Secret Service are NOT required to be president. Technically, ALL candidates for president and VP meet qualifications for president...which is scary when you look at Sarah Palin!

Economic mess

Where is our country heading? So many are against the bail-out money and God knows I wish there was another way but I worry that there isn't. Greedy, rich people have a way of taking down the ship in a crisis. We have so much tied to the motions, whims and movements of rich people that when they stumble, we all take a hit. This time the hit will be $700 billion.

That's a lot of money no matter who gets it...or pays it. Still, in order to avoid a bigger banking crisis, we have to do something. I don't have a better solution, I'm just hoping the one proposed is a good one.

At the same time I have asked myself many times what will be the demise of America. All civilizations fail sooner or later. Some recover, others don't but no one can stay on top forever...just look at Russia. We can go on and on about factors that contribute to the rise and fall of nations but the one thing we have to realize is that they do rise and fall. America is not so great that it can't fall into the muck.

So while I'm hoping our political leaders can figure a way out of this mess, I also worry that there may not be a way out of this mess.

Running off with the circus...

Ok...taking a break from politics today to just talk about how much fun I had at Ringling Bros. circus performance of "Bellobration!" Before I go on, I will acknowledge that many are afraid of clowns. Many think they are stupid. Many think they aren't funny. Many think clowns are just annoying performers who are there to distract you while the work staff changes the circus sets. Well, some and all of that is true...but...I'm revising my dislike of clowns after seeing this performance.

I have to admit, I've never had a dislike of clowns. I never really thought they were funny either but I was never afraid of them, nor did I hate them. They were just people to help the time pass during the show until something I liked took center ring. My attitude about them began to change when I worked at Kemper Arena as an usher and the circus came to town.

Unlike many people, I have a long family tradition of attending the circus. We went when I was a kid to several shows while they were in town. This is because we were so poor that Ringling Bros. gave us free tickets to multiple shows. The tickets were available at the community center or through school. We got free shows -every- year and that developed my love of the sights, sounds, silliness and all that the circus brings. It was also a few hours to forget that we needed food stamps and welfare to live, that we lived in public housing and some of our family friends were heroine addicts.

Last year I began the family circus tradition with my son. He LOVED it! This year, we attended two shows, once with his grandmother and the second show with just me.

Bellobration is a show devoted to 'Bello' the acrobatic clown. He is AWESOME and that's his real name...Bello Nock. The photo of him makes him look a bit weird but in fact, well, he is a bit weird but also a comic daredevil. He participates in almost every aspect of the circus from tightrope walking, the wheel of death, and his signature 90-foot tall sway pole act. He is a fantastic athlete and a superior entertainer...and he's funny while doing it. Every move he makes seems effortless and he's smiling and laughing while doing it...amazing. And yes, that is his real hair too.

So while the political situation in this country is a mess and the economic state of America is even worse, it was good for me to take a few hours and forget all that. It was fantastic that this weird redhead with the super strong legs and never-ending smile could brighten my day so much that I was cheered up all week. My son is still asking about the circus and I have to tell him the circus went 'bye-bye...but they will come back soon!' I hope he never outgrows loving the excitement and fun of the circus, just like I never did. It would be awesome to run off and tour with them....at least one year. Maybe one day....

Sarah Palin...ready to lead? NOT!

I, like many, have seen some bits and pieces of the interview Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin had with ABC's Charlie Gibson. First, as a reporter myself, I have to applaud him on his questions. If you are in the 'biz', you know he had a team of helpers but that does not negate the quality of the questions he presented Gov. Palin. They were excellent! Unfortunately, her answers did not exactly his a home run.

There were critical flubs on her part. The biggest mistake she made was NOT knowing the Bush Doctrine, which states that our country will send troops into an ally's borders against that country's will to halt suspected terrorism. I have heard this doctrine stated before and I was against it then, I'm against it now. I didn't realize it was an -official- policy of the Bush Administration. I'm certain many of you weren't aware of this policy either.

Republicans will say because many Americans don't know about this doctrine, it's OK that Gov. Palin didn't know either. I disagree with that. MOST Americans are NOT running for vice president. Imagine if she was speaking to the leader of Pakistan and he asked how she felt about that doctrine, did she intend to promote it? Would Gov. Palin give that leader the same 'deer in the headlights' look she gave Gibson? That brings up another point...she has never met with a foreign head of state.

Gov. Palin blew that fact off by saying many VP candidates had never met with a foreign head of state. Well, she is the first in the last 30-plus years. The country has changed a lot and the VP has to be able to communicate with other country leaders...she never has. On top of that, she didn't even have a passport until last year. She had no interest in traveling abroad, but she is willing to be 'hard on Russia'. The last time I checked, Russia wasn't threatening us. Just because you can see a country, does not make them the enemy.

Let's also face it...she totally flip-flopped on the environmental issue. She criticized Al Gore's opinions on the environment, NOW she says there is some human influence on global warming.

The Republican ticket is being VERY hypocritical to say Sen. Obama is not ready to lead when Gov. Palin clearly is a big fish in a small pond that they are trying to promote as something more.

Soccer moms

Soccer moms annoy me!

Recent polls show that John McCain has gained about 20 points and most of that comes from white women. When you think about it and read between the lines, most of that is coming from middle-class white women who probably self-describe as 'soccer moms'. We also know what they are doing...being the little Stepford wives that they are and following the leader, Sarah Palin.

Yes, this is turning into a rant because although this demographic annoys me deeply, I also respect it's power. I've been screwed by these bouncy bottle blonds before and realize while I have tons of disdain for them, they are also a force to be reckoned with.

Years ago when Prop. 209 in California was on the ballot, soccer mom types made sure it passed. This proposition dismantled Affirmative Action in that state. The irony is, white middle class women benefited more from Affirmative Action than any other minority group. I have little to no respect for people who use a tool to help themselves then destroy it for those coming after them.

Now this demographic is moving to vote for another Bush presidency just because there is a white woman like themselves on the ticket. Have they not noticed that the McCain camp is basically parroting what Obama's people are putting out? First McCain was against pulling troops out of Iraq, now he's for it. Obama said he would lower taxes, now McCain will lower taxes too.

Ultimately, what Obama says doesn't matter to this group. The real problem is these women want to attach themselves to a white man and be his apendage. Palin represents them quite well. I don't charge -all- white women with this...many have these traits but it is specifically a part of middle class white women.

These soccer moms have no clue about the hardships of a single parent -- man or woman -- nor do they care. If their husbands died or left them for a younger model, they immediately go on a campaign to find a new husband. They can't live without a man in their lives or else it represents some level of failure. These types just disgust me because they are voting without using the brains they have. They are a Stepford wife blob moving in unison without purpose or common sense.

BTW, yes, I realize that is Pamela Anderson...this is the image I believe soccer moms all wish they had.

The tax question

I've been seeing ads on TV all the time saying that Sen. Barack Obama isn't ready to lead our nation. That he wants to raise taxes and there will be a 'trickle down effect' that will hurt the average American. My first reaction to that criticism is, didn't anyone pay attention to that 'trickle down' theory crap when Ronald Reagan said we would all benefit from giving rich people more money?

Now, John McCain charges that Obama will raise all of our taxes. Unfortunately, people see the commercial and believe it without researching themselves. But before people swallow the 'hook' on the tax message, EVERY one should learn more.

I am a Democrat and of course I have a dog in this fight so me just saying Obama's plan is better for the middle class won't work. That is why I did some reading myself. According to Associated Press Economics Reporter Martin Crutsinger, if you make less than $250,000 a year, your taxes will be reduced more by Obama. If you make more than $600,000 a year, McCain will reduce your taxes more.

A direct quote from the article states "For the 20 percent of taxpayers right in the middle of the income scale, making roughly between $37,600 and $66,400, the tax break would be $1,118 under the Obama plan and $325 under the McCain plan in 2009, according to the analysis done by the tax center, a joint venture of the Urban Institute and the Brookings Institution, two Washington think tanks."

The sad thing is people will NOT read such articles, believe the lies in the commercials and we will have McCain as president if this information is not promoted. I encourage any and everyone to read this news article "Obama and McCain have big economic differences." Get the facts before you vote!

Back in the saddle again...

I originally created this blog to comment about politics and then my life kind of got in the way. Well, real life is still there and kind of mucking things up a bit but politics has gotten down right historical. Recent events...the Obama candidacy, the choice of Palin...have energized me to at least attempt to comment regularly about these people.

What an amazing time we are living in! Even if you hate Obama and love McCain...we have to admit this is an historic time.

To any that may stumble upon this blog, I make no apologies for being an Obama supporter...otherwise the blog title would be 'Red Girl in a Red State.' No! I'm a Democrat and proud to be so. There is -nothing- McCain/Palin could do or say that would get my vote and I'm not ashamed to say so.

Before I go off on a rant here...Palin doesn't believe in abortion, -even- in the case of rape or incest. I would ask her this if I could, if that woman has that child or rape or incest and doesn't wish to raise the child...what provisions do YOU have to make sure that now abandoned child has to grow up stable? People like her never have an answer for such questions. If I held her position on such an issue, I'd make sure that baby had FREE counseling and work to reform foster care so that the child at least has a chance.

Unlike Palin, I personally know a person who had a child produced by rape. The woman had that baby, loved it, cherished it and still...the child had problems as an adult and youth. It's easy to scream 'no abortions' but I prefer to say let the woman decide!

Where is the outrage???

I like reading news of the weird because most times the stories are good for a 'WTF???' moment or a heart-healthy laugh. Reading yesterday I was stunned and a bit outraged by the story. Oddly enough, while reading it I totally expected this story to be from another country. It was not. It happened right here in Arkansas...please, no Arkansas jokes. I have relatives there but I seriously doubt any are this dense! Also, if this were an American citizen...more people would be talking about it. If this were a white soccer mom from the suburbs, the roof would have been blown off the courthouse.

The story is about a woman, Adriana Torres-Flores, an illegal alien who was arrested. She was placed in a 9.5-by-10.5-foot holding cell.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure (I totally plead the 5th here), holding cells are very basic...no bed, sometimes no restrooms (this one did NOT have a toilet), no windows either. It's just the person, with a bench, in what sometimes amounts to a closet. But it's temporary so not a big deal...UNLESS the friggin' cop FORGETS you are in there!!!

Adriana Torres-Flores sat in that closet cell without food, water, a toilet, no bed or anything for FOUR days! She was placed in custody on Thursday and re-discovered on Monday because they went to place another prisoner in the cell. No one heard her screaming and crying for help...for four days!

I know some will say she's an illegal alien and doesn't deserve great treatment but as a human being, I feel she deserved to be treated decent.

Even worse, the cop who forgot about her was only placed on unpaid administrative leave. The sheriff said it was not purposefully done and should be treated as a learning experience.

That woman could have died. If she were diabetic, she would have died. She had been arrested for selling pirated CDs, she was NOT some major criminal and a danger to society. I can't imagine the nightmares she will have for all those hours she spent wondering if someone would remember her.

I agree illegal aliens should be sent back to their original countries but we should respect a human being enough to treat them well. Such a holding cell where you can't hear the person should not be made. A cop can get busy and forget, this is why you should have either a camera to monitor that cell or people should be clearly heard from the cell.

You can read the story yourself here http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/03/11/national/a111950D05.DTL.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

OK, I admit I am late to the party on this movie. I always intended on watching it. But for whatever reason I just never sat down long enough to get into this movie. I didn't even know what it was about...just thought the name of the film was kind of cool.

Also, Jim Carrey in serious roles tend to bug me. He's an excellent actor, that's not the issue. I just like him being funny.

So, I finally sat down and watched most of this film. It has a way of dragging me in. I didn't watch the whole movie, only bits and pieces, but I think I know what message it sends. If you were in a relationship, broke up and just could not deal with the pain of that relationship ending, what would you do? If someone had a procedure that could wipe away that memory and pain, would you take it? That's a profound question.

I've had several relationships over my lifetime, some good, some bad, but ALL have contributed to the person I am now. Take one or two away (along with the pain) and I would be a different person. Since I like who I am (for the most part) that makes it hard to say 'yes' to erasing any unhappy memories. However, that decision is with 20/20 hindsight.

At the time of pain, heartache and severe sadness, I can't say I wouldn't erase the cause of that pain. When a person is that sad, like Jim Carrey's character in the film, you just want that pain gone and if the memory has to go also, so be it.

A scene in the film that really caught my attention was when Carrey runs into his former girl and she behaves as if she doesn't know him. That's because she opted to erase HIM first. I think that would be more painful than the memory; running into that person and they don't remember you. I don't mean they -pretend- to not know you...they REALLY don't know you.

This movie provokes a lot of emotion if you are coming out of a very emotional relationship. It made me think...and it's depicted in the film...if I could erase that bad relationship, re-meet that person and start over again, would I opt for that? I honestly can't answer that question about any past relationship. I think they all ended for whatever reason and it's best to NOT go back. However, I also remember how much passion, excitement and fun I had at the beginning. To re-live that may be worth another go.

Judgments

I guess people could describe my blogging as 'sporadic' but it's not because I have nothing to say. I have tons of thoughts and opinions...taking time to sit and write them takes commitment, which I tend to lack upon occasion.

But, there are times when things catch my interest and I just have to comment. The thing catching my interest lately is how people judge one another...especially on trivial matters.

Putting things into context...at my job there are a couple younger women I speak with. Both are black and a bit darker than myself. One has a young daughter, the other has a degree in criminal justice. From that description, you can probably guess who has the issue with judging people all the time. Yes, Ms. Criminal Justice!

I was sitting with them both, let's call them 'S' and 'Ms. CJ'.
S began talking about her daughter. Like a proud parent, I had to talk about my son (the light of my life). I have pictures in my wallet of my son too. I showed the photos and Ms. CJ immediately said, "Is he white?" S said he was absolutely too cute!

To look at the two, one would assume that S would have the skin color prejudice being a single mom from the ghetto while Ms. CJ, supposedly educated with her college diploma, would be more open-minded. There reactions blew away my presumptions!

Well, it's not a secret in my family that my son's dad is a white man. It's not considered a huge deal...unless for the past 11 years people have been putting up a front when I walk into a room. However, it wasn't just the question that put me off...it was the expression on Ms. CJ's face. It was a look of disgust. I found out a couple days later that she thinks white men are all unattractive. She admitted she has never seen an attractive white man.

That is one of the most racist things I've ever heard. How can an entire race of people be unattractive? There is beauty in everyone.

Besides not finding whites attractive, I could see the judgment creeping across Ms. CJ's face...it was there...just like a screen scroll across her forehead. She was judging me as less than herself because I not only slept with a white man, I actually married him and had a 'high yellow' baby.

I just think...how limiting is that attitude!? She is a sad, judgmental individual. It shouldn't matter to her who I sleep with. She doesn't have to be with him so why care, why judge? Learn to accept others as they are with out judgment.