Coordination...

When your child's primary doctor gives you a special number for appointments, etc., you really have to ask yourself, "Is my kid REALLY that sick?"

What I've discovered is that your kid does not have to be "that sick" but only has to have the potential to be that sick. As I reflect this week on John Travolta's loss (I realize that sounds silly, I do not know him or his child), I think about the terrible sadness he is going through. He probably had a special number for his son too, since the child had a chronic illness.

Jett Travolta had Kawasaki disease and that led to his death. As people speculate about whether John Travolta held his son as the child died, or did he give CPR until the paramedics arrived or was it his fault that the child died because of Scientology, none of that changes the fact that this man is grieving over a terrible loss. I can not imagine how he feels and it brings to mind worries over my own son.

He looks healthy, he plays, he attends school regularly. He has the occasional colds and bumps and scrapes from rough housing. He is, for the most part, a typical boy...but so was Jett Travolta. How a kid can look "normal" and happy and have something inside him that can kill is amazing.

This also brings to mind my friend's child. He looks normal and healthy too, but also survived 7 brain operations. You would never know unless you shaved the boy's head.

Which brings me to the issue of coordination. To say it is over whelming to coordinate medical appointments, school, fun family time and sanity time for myself is an under statement. Even with the medical problems you can not forget this is a child with the same desires for play and fun as any other child. It is a challenge in organization to say the least.

So as I prepare my son for various medical tests, I can only hope and pray that his problems will be healed and he will go on to have a happy, long life. People with healthy children have no clue the emotional rollercoaster we ride working to keep our children healthy.

Who is the real fighting opponent?

Have you ever been in a fight with your ex only to discover part-way through the "negotiations" that you really are not fighting with your ex. There is an invisible opponent hovering over you both and the fight is really with that specter, not the ex.

That invisible person is the new "plus-one" in your ex's life and the demands and dictates of that person are coming out of your ex's mouth. This reality brings a whole new level of fighting to the forefront. Now, you are not only confronting the ex about the personal crap the two of you have lived, there is the added crap of the demands of a person you don't know and most likely don't like or respect. There is some invisible force fueling a fight you never wanted, intended or created...but the fight is here, you are in it and the person who caused it sits quietly and safely at their own home. This person is the one you are fighting and the person in front of you is simply a puppet.

I realize immediately that anyone who allows his or herself to be pulled and controlled like that by another is pretty pathetic but that does not stop such situations from happening. The new person in the ex's life tends to feel his/her needs and wants trump any of your needs and wants.

This situation creates a unique mine field to navigate. How do you fight a person who seems to have complete control over your ex, who in turn has the power to hurt your family, specifically your child. What do you do regarding a person who is pulling the strings of of your ex so well that your ex can ignore the love and adoration of a child in favor of satisfying the puppeteer? How do you deal with a woman who is so clearly selfish that she would weasel this weak individual into lying to his son for her own self gratification?

If all you know about a person is the horrible effects he/she has on another that you -must- deal with, how is it possible to have a positive view of this other person at all? That other person becomes nothing more than the enemy. The ex is a protective fool, blind to the facts that he/she has become nothing more than a delivery mechanism. He/she is delivering demands from the current bed companion to the ex, resulting in a fight that really should not be happening.

If this person were not behaving like a 'tool', there would be no fight. But in order to not be a tool, puppet or fight delivery mechanism, he/she has to buck up and tell the new buddy something simple...the old relationship is none of the new person's business. Of course, if the puppet could do that, the fight would have never happened in the first place...which means what for the person fighting the ghost?

Duran Duran still rules!

I remember when I became a Duran Duran fan. I was entering high school and heard the song "Girls on Film." It was a catchy song and I liked the opening drum beats. It was the early 80's.

Little did I know at the time that I would join the millions of girls worldwide as what affectionately became known as "Duranies." There was a time when I knew all their weights, heights, the order their songs played on an album, the album titles (including several imports) and the names of their pets and girlfriends. I had several buttons of them and I wore them all, all the time to the point that the buttons on my jacket actually weighed more than the jacket itself.

I've attended several concerts, even in their later years, and I just think they are great...still. As a true fan, I had a favorite; John Taylor. If you look at his photo, do you really have to ask why? He's over 6' tall, nicely built, has an award-winning smile, that square Superman-like chin, sleepy brown eyes and tons of musical talent. He is probably the most talented member of Duran Duran.

I have to admit, I haven't kept up with my group of choice in years but still, the love for them remains. Another blogger commented that the music of our youth stays with us through the years. What an insightful comment! It really does. The music brings back good and bad memories and emotions from years ago. The songs are more than just bouncy tunes that DJs of the past dismissed as rubbish. These were the songs and performers of our youth who spoke to us. Maybe not in such profound poetry as the performers of the 60s or 70s...well, really just the 60s (LOL!), but the songs were still meaningful.

When I hear "Save a Prayer" by Duran Duran, I do think of a passionate one-night stand but it also reminds me of the HIV/AIDS crisis of that time. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is the song that really endeared me to Duran Duran because Simon LeBon chases a black woman throughout the video. This was the first time I'd seen on film a white man driven crazy with passion for a black woman. She was the object of beauty and although she was presented as kind of an animal in the video, so was he.

It's somewhat laughable that their videos created such controversy at the time...well, "Girls on Film" WAS pretty fetish-filled. Still, Duran Duran was also underrated, just like many 80s bands and other performers...yes, Adam Ant too. The best thing about their declining fame is it appears it may be easier to meet them one day...finally!

Ant Music

Lately, memories of the 80's have been populating my thoughts, specifically about a young guy named Adam Ant.

I'd honestly forgotten just how much I adored this guy. OK, he dressed like a cross between a pirate and a Native American, bounced around stage like he had ants in his pants and sang lyrics that were not exactly poetic literature, but he was fun...and underrated.

For all his style and frolicking about, he did have hits and an amount of staying power that beat out other 80's performers. Looking back on that time, I would have placed money of Spandau Ballet to continue over Adam Ant. I liked quite a few performers but I was also very aware that the flash could easily disappear and take Adam along. Mr. Ant even spoke about that in the song "Goody Two Shoes." Never being a fan of the media, he warns, "Look out or they'll tell you you you're a superstar, Two weeks and you're an all-time legend, I think the game has gone much too far..."

What I find amazing, sitting here in my 40's, is that I totally expected to no longer be attracted to -any- 80's singers anymore. Alas, I was wrong. Adam Ant, even slightly heavier and bald is still a VERY sexy man. That goes double for Mr. John Taylor of Duran Duran. Even Thomas Dolby, who is being sold as a "one-hit wonder" these days on VH-1, is still pretty cute and sexy without hair and several years later.

But the best thing about this realization is, the ability to express it without a ridiculing comment from others nearby. For whatever reason, and an even more baffling thing that I tolerated it, my husband took great joy in insulting my musical tastes. Of course he claimed it was just joking but I know differently now. Jokes don't hurt feelings, they are supposed to be funny.

This goes back to acceptance. Although I loved Adam Ant with his outrageous look, my friends in the 80's accepted that from me. In fact, they expected me to be "in love" with the latest British Invasion performer wearing make-up and leather or ruffles. That was/is a part of my uniqueness and it is unfortunate that the man I married chose to mock this quality instead of embrace it...of course, this is partly why we are no longer together. I never asked him to like my music, just accept that I did.

Little initials + your name = smater than others

Lately, when people who know about my son's Autism diagnosis begin to drill me with questions, I've been giving the same reply. Here's an example of such a conversation.

Questioner: "How can they say he has Autism. Look at what he's doing now. That shows intelligence, imagination and he is NOT secluded in his own world."

My reply: "Because a person with little initials said it IS a symptom of Autism and because he/she has those little initials, he/she is smarter than we are. The little initials means that other person can slap a label on others, labels that can profoundly change the course of another person's life."

That response usually frustrates the questioner into silence. Then I have a thought of, welcome to MY world.

I would hope most parents never have to experience such a thing with their child...to have a person with a piece of paper telling you about your child's "defects". There is such a strange moment when you realize this person has concluded that your child will not do A, B, and C, and the child is destined for this, that and other things. The initialed person makes this conclusion usually in less time than the mother took to bring the kid into the world through labor.

So after you receive one of these life-altering diagnosis and you have repressed the feeling to run naked and screaming through fresh snow, then there is the learning. The initialed person may point you in a direction but he/she certainly won't take you by the hand and go there with you.

As a parent, you must take the initiative and be an advocate for your child. Never take what others say as your child's limits. Accept the child as-is but also have goals set. Help the child move forward because honestly, the kid has no idea what he/she can and cannot do. I think this is how so many handicapped children achieve things doctors said they never would.

Nothing is easy about this but nothing worth having is ever easy.

"Falling" in love

I've heard people say that dozens of times, "I fell in love..." I've probably said it a few times too but now I think the whole phrase is just inaccurate.

When people say that, I can only guess they really mean what they say. But look at the verb closer, the word "fell." It is the past-tense of "fall," meaning you are already in love. But when we say "fall/fell," what does that word mean?

Webster's Dictionary has several meanings for the word, including to suddenly go from an erect position involuntarily and to die in battle. But I am certain when people say they fell in love they mean to pass suddenly and passively into a state of body or mind or a new state or condition. That is the "official" definition of someone's statement, "I fell in love."

I tend to disagree because many times love is not sudden or passive. When we are seeking love, we intentionally move in that direction. It is a gradual journey that is neither sudden or passive.

To elaborate, a couple could be dating for years but never be in love. Many times this is because one or both in the union have decided the other has a quality that is somewhat intolerable. I do not mean something petty like the girl's hair is too long or the guy scratches himself too much. I mean things like, he or she does not want children and the other does. In a situation like this, people make a decision to NOT fall in love. They may love that person, but it is not the traditional sense of falling in love where you are just goofy for the other and ignore faults. Still, no amount of love will make such a couple commit and marry. They find themselves in a holding pattern until someone better comes along...kind of like in the film "When Harry met Sally..."

So, I believe when people go goofy for each other and actually fall in love, the act is really a decision. People see their partner's flaws but a choice is made to "live with it." That snoring is not so bad because she/he is so wonderful with everything else. The lack of romance is not so bad because he shows love in his own special way. Her clinging to me like wet linen is not so bad because that is just her way of saying she loves me. Would it not be fantastic if those flaws did not begin to grate on your nerves as the years go by. It is the rare couple indeed that does not experience this slow march from love to annoyance.

So I would argue with Webster's that "falling" in love is neither passive or sudden. We pick people we want to love then go about ignoring various flaws to help ourselves love that person. That is a deliberate decision and there is nothing sudden about it. But even such a beginning can create long-lasting and loving relationships. The collapse of a marriage happens, in some cases, when one or the other can no longer ignore flaws. A GREAT example of this is in the film "War of the Roses."

Loving another and committing to a life together can be a wonderful, fantastic feeling...but it is neither passive, nor sudden. Even the so-called "whirlwind romance" is deliberate and planned...to a certain extend. But when love dies, especially for only one-half of the union, it is hard to believe/understand what you did to kill the love in the other person. The simple answer is you did nothing. The other person moved away and in many cases you did not push. You were being you while she/he realized your so-called "flaws" were too much to handle.

Judging Autism

After receiving the diagnosis of Autism for my son, I guess I am becoming less tolerant of the judging stares people give. I saw a documentary on Autism and it appears many other parents feel that same sting of judgment.

When others see a child of school age in a pull-up, the assumption is that the mother and father are doing nothing to toilet train the child. People assume the child is running the home and the parents just are not taking control of the issue. I've heard I should just find an older "grandma" type of care provider...oh yes, make sure she's Black...and my son will be potty trained in a day. Or, just throw away or give away all the pull ups and VOILA! He will go to the potty when he decides he does not like the mess on his body.

These ideas may work for a child who is not Autistic but not always on the Autistic child. For whatever reasons, an Autistic child will have a meltdown instead of associating the discomfort with not using the toilet. The last thing you want to do is created an avoidance of the toilet.

Toilet training for an Autistic child is so difficult that there are books on the subject. Still, the most annoying part of any of this is the judging eyes from others, even children. Kids are told to be a "big boy/girl," they have to use the potty. An Autistic child will not respond to this source of shame. Autistic kids just do not care about that big boy/girl issue.

What people do not understand is Autism, to the untrained eye, is a hidden disability. Unless you recognize symptoms, the average person just sees a child throwing tantrums for no reason. There is a reason, we may not know it, but there is a reason.

The frustration an Autistic child feels when he/she can not communicate is very real can drive them to react with a tantrum. With Autism reaching epidemic levels, people really should learn the symptoms of this disability instead of passing judgment on parents.

Clarification

After taking another look at my recent post, I concluded that some, erroneously so, may conclude I have some race issues. Quite the contrary. Some of my best friends are white women...just not the type of white woman who has ever used crying as a manipulative tool...well, at least not in front of me.

Let's face it, any woman can use tears to get her way depending on the situation and the target of the manipulation. It becomes ugly when she uses it regularly and feigns weakness in the process but her true intentions are to control the situation. When one pretends to be weak but is actually taking a position of power, that's called passive-aggression.

According to WebMD, passive aggression is "apparently compliant behavior, with intrinsic obstructive or stubborn qualities, to cover deeply felt aggressive feelings that cannot be more directly expressed."

I have seen women cry, pretend to comply with whatever made them cry, then turn around and do whatever it takes to obstruct what they just agreed with. This usually comes with an attack that if that other person had just been nicer, she would have tried harder. We know that claim is BS but hey, what cha' gonna do? Such a person is so wrapped up in herself that when she does not get her way because YOU had the nerve to need/want something, it is YOUR fault when SHE messes things up for you.

This behavior is not limited to white women, of course not. Anyone can be passive aggressive. Speaking from personal experience (and what other experience would I have? :) ) no sane person deserves to be romantically involved with a passive aggressive "partner."

One first observance is, he/she will never be your partner, not in a true sense of the word. While you blissfully walk through life believing he/she is by your side, that person is plotting ways to NOT cooperate. But wait you say, he/she said it was a great idea. You are fantastic for thinking of that vacation, that outing, that party at the house. It appears to be moving well until the time comes for the event and then your "partner" suddenly has this or that to do. The idea is still great but he/she suddenly has to get the car washed or any other obscure task to avoid the event. If you press the issue, suddenly this is YOUR fault because he/she was simply trying to make you happy by complying. Resentment builds in this "partner" until he/she feels justified in attacking you in various emotional ways.

However, I would never ask someone to simply take my word for this existing. MedlinePlus has a list of symptoms of passive aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, many look very familiar.

This sounds crazy, and at one time this condition was listed as a mental disorder, but these people know what they are doing. I'd like to think people who are mentally ill are somewhat clueless about their behaviors. I think passive aggressive people are clearly aware of their behavior and its effects. They spend so much time pretending to comply and avoiding the truth while simultaneously sabotaging everyone else that they have to be aware of the damage. This is why they are so adept at "acting sullen." If they jumped for joy after creating havoc, people would see their true nature and avoid them like the plague.

White women, Black women

I had a talk with various influential people in my life about a subject that I pretty much knew the answer to already. The conversation came up out of curiosity and general annoyance with men...well, some men anyway. The subject is simple on the surface but infinitely complicated if examined...white women and black women in our society. The question was deceptively simple, "Why do men, ALL men, tend to treat white women better than black women?"

My very wise informer said it was a hold over from slavery. Basically, black women were sex objects and got used. Black women were impregnated by men, both white and black, then left to raise children alone. White men were usually their owners so the black woman had no say in the sexual encounter in many cases. Sometimes sex was mutually desired but if the woman was a slave, she raised biracial children alone. In some cases, a black man would impregnate the black women because that was his "job." In a slave marriage, a black man could be sold. The result was the same, the black woman was alone with children fending for herself.

By contrast the white woman was seen as the ultimate jewel. She was a beautiful thing to behold and should be cared for and loved. She has the luxury of depending on a man to care for her, keep her from harm and when she falls, he (whether black or white) is there to help her up.

Still, when confronted with conflict, problems and challenges, the white woman will turn to her master weapon of manipulation...tears. Why do white women, many affluent white women, fall into a quivering, shaking ball of manipulative tears or bawling at the slightest sign of a problem? The tears can be followed by many other manipulative devices; guilt, sex (either giving or withholding), silent treatment, which ever tool works best. These tools (with sex being a possible regular exception) are used on both men and women regardless of race. But why? Because it works! Men will fall all over themselves to help a crying white woman while turning a deaf ear to the wails of a black woman.

Other white women, I think in recognition of the tools' use, will flock to the aid of their manipulative comrade while many black women sit back and wait for the knife to their backs. Once a white woman's tears fall, the black woman can expect to be thrown under the bumper of a fast moving bus. This is the sentiment of another blogger I've read...another black woman who isn't exactly thrilled by white women tears.

I thought about that image and said it is a very sad fact that American culture has accepted the devaluation of a group of women based just on color. I am amazed that any man would look at brown skin and determine that person does not deserve or desire love, caring, friendship and a shoulder to cry upon in hard times. Of course, these men will claim black women are strong, aggressive and send a message that "they don't need a man." That claim is really just an excuse. A man who says that has already made up his mind NOT to be in it for the long haul with that black woman.

But to be fair, not all white women are the image I have described. But the ones who fit this image know exactly what they are doing. The men who accept this manipulation are part of the continuing problems of racial division in this country and of course, not all men do this. Again, the ones who do, know what they are doing.

Can this be fixed? If so, how? My opinion on the issue is simple, when men of all races treat women of all races equally, this problem will cease. Basically, if a guy is a jerk to a black woman, please, by all means, be a jerk to the black women too! Hooray for continuity!

One good example of a man who treats his black woman as she deserves is our new president. I have seen nothing but loving images of them. I hope that continues.

I also am very proud to see Michelle Obama as our future first lady. I know her image will help erase the very wrong and stereotypical image of the "ghetto hoochie-mamma." Black women are not second to white women and should never be treated as such or viewed in that manner. However, to ignore the fact is turning a blind eye to the obvious.

White women like their position of power in our society, even while feigning weakness and plotting their manipulations. White men before Affirmative Action never wanted to share power in the corporate world. Affirmative Action forced change in the business world but it can't cause a change in social attitudes. Hopefully, the images of a successful, intelligent and beautiful black woman will help knock sense into these men's heads.

Views

Anyone who knows me knows that I like strange images. I like the fact that they may seem normal but when you take a good look you realize something is either completely off or just a bit surreal...like the image to the left. At a glance you see people working on what may be a balcony roof, some on top, others working on the bottom. A closer look reveals that the balcony seems to magically twist or morph into the floor for the workers under the balcony. A structure such as this could never exist in reality.

This photo is how I tend to view certain relationships. At a glance, the relationship seems normal even great but a closer look and you realize things are twisted and just unreal.

My husband keeps telling me that I felt our marriage/relationship was going well. He says I wanted things to continue 'as they were.' I was just so desperate to keep my husband that I ignored the obvious problems of the relationship. I realize this is his view of me in our marriage. He sees what he wishes. No matter how twisted and wrong I may think his view is, the view remains his.

I view our marriage like this photo, at a glance it appears normal, even commonplace. Give it a closer look and you will see the twisted reality that would set in motion disaster and collapse.

I am amazed that he could have this view, despite my actions to fix the mess that was our union. But there are many who would also look at that photo and say they see nothing wrong, nothing twisted, nothing strange or surreal. There are people who see what they want and refuse to see reality. If you reject reality enough, you leave denial behind and enter the realm of mental illness.

There were some huge flags that told me the meter was ticking out on my marriage. It dumbfounds me that any person would believe I wanted the status quo to continue...and I had the marriage counseling bills to support my desire for change.

One conclusion I can draw is simple, it's easy to believe something that supports one's own delusion or opinion. Saying one's spouse was blissfully blind to the reality of a bad marriage, that's why the other spouse left, gives huge justification to the action. To accept that the other person was working on fixing issues but YOU decided to throw in the towel without a fight shines a nasty light on yourself. It's like peeling back the curtain to reveal "The Picture of Dorian Gray." No one wants to see the ugliness of their own soul but for some people it's the only path to their salvation.

Autism, me, the kid and the ex

With Obama winning the White House one may think my life is sailing along quite well...at least for a short time. Well, it was for a short time but then reality has a way of crashing through again.

One developmental exam later and my son has been diagnosed with the most popular explanation for developmental delays -- Autism. It's true he twirls string, repeats phrases, has limited speech and probably a few other symptoms but a person still must wonder about such a diagnosis. It IS the most popular explanation and now I hear it can not be accurately diagnosed until about the age of 7. My son is 4. A woman at an Autism meeting I attended has a 2 year old with the diagnosis. I immediately thought...TWO!!! How can they know at the age of TWO!?

So, taking their word on it, I now qualify for various services to help my son 'make it' in the world. It's a complicated and stressful road to travel the bureaucracy of the special needs child. The one thing I have learned right off is, apply first, see if you qualify later. If you qualify, TAKE IT! Most programs have a 'use it or lose it' attitude. In the midst of all this, there are still other things to care for...me for instance.

Since several things have happened between me and the ex that I have not and will not share on here, he is not really around to take our son. By default, I have precious little free, adult time. The good thing about all these Autism resources is they do offer respite care for children with special needs. I can't imagine anyone putting their child with special needs with any old teenager.

The ex, well, what can one say. He's more worried about trivial matters than what his son needs. There are moments of clarity but mostly, he is focused somewhere else.

So, now I have a lovely 'Autism Awareness' car magnet that shall be slapped to my bumper...one day. It's amazing what others have experienced and what I have seen already. Life can throw you a turn and a twist sometimes. It would be nicer, easier if I had a partner to navigate this world but I will continue to do my best. It's all a person can do.

Obama wins...and Palin is 'hit by a bus'

OK...anyone who has read my blog knows I have been an Obama fan from pretty far back. Still, I am amazed, stunned and very proud that he won. It's an awesome victory and brought me to tears. I have -never- felt that much emotion over a presidential election...not even for Clinton!

Honestly, I would have loved for Hillary to be where Obama is now. I really wanted her to be president. I know many hate her but I like the woman. Hey, there's no accounting for taste. LOL!

As for John McCain...I think the campaign drove him a bit nutty. He did things during the campaign that I don't think he would have done otherwise. He is an honorable man, for the most part...I disagree with his calling Koreans 'gooks'. His speech was sincere and should be a unifying force for the months to come.

Palin...hmmmmm...it's been recently said that she didn't know Africa is a continent, she thought it was a country. True or not her other fumbles were enough to convince me that she had no business in the White House as anything other than a tourist. However, the way the McCain camp has thrown their once 'Golden Girl' under the bus is disgusting. McCain has been honorable in defeat but the rest of his camp are all blaming Palin. She's not perfect and I don't like her at all but SHE is not fully at fault for the loss.

This was an exciting election cycle but I'm glad it's done. Now, if I were tapped to advise President Obama, I'd tell him to choose a path for economic recovery that will fulfill his promises and keep our nation strong, end this un-ending war, carry your head high even (or especially) when you make mistakes. DO NOT get yourself a 'Monica.' Also...pick an American Pit-Bull Terrier for the White House puppy. Why? Because like black men in this country, they have had TONS of bad press that is undeserved.

Nit-picking

For whatever reason I have forgone my better judgment and began reading some comments from people (white people) who are not in favor of Barack Obama as president. While it's easy to label them all racist and move on, I was just curious as to the arguments given to NOT support Obama.

I'm a Democrat, that's not a secret, but when I criticize a Republican candidate, there is usually substance to my criticism. I don't like McCain because I disagree with his policy to reward the rich with tax cuts on the backs of the poor and middle-class. I also have a problem with his reference to Korean people as 'gooks'. Don't take my word, read it yourself here. I know he is talking about the Koreans who tortured him but that is no excuse...besides, we all know if a person instantly resorts to a racial slur in anger, there MUST be racism in that person's heart.

I think these are valid, solid reasons to NOT support McCain...your mileage may vary.

Back to my readings...someone said Obama probably couldn't pass a U.S. Citizenship test, nor could he be cleared to work for the FBI or Secret Service. These 'reasons' to NOT vote for Obama are simply bogus. These 'reasons' imply that Obama is too dumb to pass that test and he must be a criminal because he can't get a security clearance. But let's take a closer look at both comments.

The U.S. Citizenship test is -VERY- difficult. I've heard this from people planning to take the test. An example question is, "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me death'." I know the answer to this question because I had to do a paper on this guy in 3rd grade. Most people don't remember American history assignments from 3rd grade. That was Patrick Henry, by the way.

Other questions are, "When was the Constitution written?", "Can it be changed?", "What are the qualifications to become president?"

Obama has a J.D. from Harvard. This fact does not mean he could easily pass this test but it does mean the man is intelligent.

On to the security clearance issue...it's an unfair criticism. The person was not saying Obama couldn't get security clearance, she said he could not be 'cleared to WORK for either organization.' There is a huge difference. To work in law enforcement requires much more than not being a criminal. A person needs the personality for such work. Many people could not be cleared to work for the FBI or the Secret Service. That's why such jobs are so prestigious. Many can't work for the IRS, where I work, because of mistakes made as a youth. The background check for this work is -extensive-.

However, not passing a background check for a job does not automatically make a person a criminal or untrustworthy. The checks go back -several- years, usually to a time when you felt whatever you were doing wasn't 'a big deal'. Or, sometimes the person is NOT the real issue, but he/she associated with another who is a security threat. Still, knowing a person who makes bad choices isn't illegal.

This is why I say these reasons are nit-pickings. If you don't like Obama, at least give a valid reason. Say you don't like his tax plan or you agree he is 'untested'. These bogus reasons do show a type of racism, IMHO.

Throughout history, black people in American have had to be better in every way to get ahead. Blacks have had to convince whites that they can do the job better than the white person trying for the same position. Many times, the whites who still don't like that black person will resort to nit-picking and fixating on some trivial crap to justify their racist decision. If you don't think a black man can run the country, just say that. Don't resort to nit-picking over trivial details that have no bearing on the person's ability to do the job.

BTW, passing the citizenship test or being able to work for the FBI or Secret Service are NOT required to be president. Technically, ALL candidates for president and VP meet qualifications for president...which is scary when you look at Sarah Palin!

Economic mess

Where is our country heading? So many are against the bail-out money and God knows I wish there was another way but I worry that there isn't. Greedy, rich people have a way of taking down the ship in a crisis. We have so much tied to the motions, whims and movements of rich people that when they stumble, we all take a hit. This time the hit will be $700 billion.

That's a lot of money no matter who gets it...or pays it. Still, in order to avoid a bigger banking crisis, we have to do something. I don't have a better solution, I'm just hoping the one proposed is a good one.

At the same time I have asked myself many times what will be the demise of America. All civilizations fail sooner or later. Some recover, others don't but no one can stay on top forever...just look at Russia. We can go on and on about factors that contribute to the rise and fall of nations but the one thing we have to realize is that they do rise and fall. America is not so great that it can't fall into the muck.

So while I'm hoping our political leaders can figure a way out of this mess, I also worry that there may not be a way out of this mess.

Running off with the circus...

Ok...taking a break from politics today to just talk about how much fun I had at Ringling Bros. circus performance of "Bellobration!" Before I go on, I will acknowledge that many are afraid of clowns. Many think they are stupid. Many think they aren't funny. Many think clowns are just annoying performers who are there to distract you while the work staff changes the circus sets. Well, some and all of that is true...but...I'm revising my dislike of clowns after seeing this performance.

I have to admit, I've never had a dislike of clowns. I never really thought they were funny either but I was never afraid of them, nor did I hate them. They were just people to help the time pass during the show until something I liked took center ring. My attitude about them began to change when I worked at Kemper Arena as an usher and the circus came to town.

Unlike many people, I have a long family tradition of attending the circus. We went when I was a kid to several shows while they were in town. This is because we were so poor that Ringling Bros. gave us free tickets to multiple shows. The tickets were available at the community center or through school. We got free shows -every- year and that developed my love of the sights, sounds, silliness and all that the circus brings. It was also a few hours to forget that we needed food stamps and welfare to live, that we lived in public housing and some of our family friends were heroine addicts.

Last year I began the family circus tradition with my son. He LOVED it! This year, we attended two shows, once with his grandmother and the second show with just me.

Bellobration is a show devoted to 'Bello' the acrobatic clown. He is AWESOME and that's his real name...Bello Nock. The photo of him makes him look a bit weird but in fact, well, he is a bit weird but also a comic daredevil. He participates in almost every aspect of the circus from tightrope walking, the wheel of death, and his signature 90-foot tall sway pole act. He is a fantastic athlete and a superior entertainer...and he's funny while doing it. Every move he makes seems effortless and he's smiling and laughing while doing it...amazing. And yes, that is his real hair too.

So while the political situation in this country is a mess and the economic state of America is even worse, it was good for me to take a few hours and forget all that. It was fantastic that this weird redhead with the super strong legs and never-ending smile could brighten my day so much that I was cheered up all week. My son is still asking about the circus and I have to tell him the circus went 'bye-bye...but they will come back soon!' I hope he never outgrows loving the excitement and fun of the circus, just like I never did. It would be awesome to run off and tour with them....at least one year. Maybe one day....

Sarah Palin...ready to lead? NOT!

I, like many, have seen some bits and pieces of the interview Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin had with ABC's Charlie Gibson. First, as a reporter myself, I have to applaud him on his questions. If you are in the 'biz', you know he had a team of helpers but that does not negate the quality of the questions he presented Gov. Palin. They were excellent! Unfortunately, her answers did not exactly his a home run.

There were critical flubs on her part. The biggest mistake she made was NOT knowing the Bush Doctrine, which states that our country will send troops into an ally's borders against that country's will to halt suspected terrorism. I have heard this doctrine stated before and I was against it then, I'm against it now. I didn't realize it was an -official- policy of the Bush Administration. I'm certain many of you weren't aware of this policy either.

Republicans will say because many Americans don't know about this doctrine, it's OK that Gov. Palin didn't know either. I disagree with that. MOST Americans are NOT running for vice president. Imagine if she was speaking to the leader of Pakistan and he asked how she felt about that doctrine, did she intend to promote it? Would Gov. Palin give that leader the same 'deer in the headlights' look she gave Gibson? That brings up another point...she has never met with a foreign head of state.

Gov. Palin blew that fact off by saying many VP candidates had never met with a foreign head of state. Well, she is the first in the last 30-plus years. The country has changed a lot and the VP has to be able to communicate with other country leaders...she never has. On top of that, she didn't even have a passport until last year. She had no interest in traveling abroad, but she is willing to be 'hard on Russia'. The last time I checked, Russia wasn't threatening us. Just because you can see a country, does not make them the enemy.

Let's also face it...she totally flip-flopped on the environmental issue. She criticized Al Gore's opinions on the environment, NOW she says there is some human influence on global warming.

The Republican ticket is being VERY hypocritical to say Sen. Obama is not ready to lead when Gov. Palin clearly is a big fish in a small pond that they are trying to promote as something more.

Soccer moms

Soccer moms annoy me!

Recent polls show that John McCain has gained about 20 points and most of that comes from white women. When you think about it and read between the lines, most of that is coming from middle-class white women who probably self-describe as 'soccer moms'. We also know what they are doing...being the little Stepford wives that they are and following the leader, Sarah Palin.

Yes, this is turning into a rant because although this demographic annoys me deeply, I also respect it's power. I've been screwed by these bouncy bottle blonds before and realize while I have tons of disdain for them, they are also a force to be reckoned with.

Years ago when Prop. 209 in California was on the ballot, soccer mom types made sure it passed. This proposition dismantled Affirmative Action in that state. The irony is, white middle class women benefited more from Affirmative Action than any other minority group. I have little to no respect for people who use a tool to help themselves then destroy it for those coming after them.

Now this demographic is moving to vote for another Bush presidency just because there is a white woman like themselves on the ticket. Have they not noticed that the McCain camp is basically parroting what Obama's people are putting out? First McCain was against pulling troops out of Iraq, now he's for it. Obama said he would lower taxes, now McCain will lower taxes too.

Ultimately, what Obama says doesn't matter to this group. The real problem is these women want to attach themselves to a white man and be his apendage. Palin represents them quite well. I don't charge -all- white women with this...many have these traits but it is specifically a part of middle class white women.

These soccer moms have no clue about the hardships of a single parent -- man or woman -- nor do they care. If their husbands died or left them for a younger model, they immediately go on a campaign to find a new husband. They can't live without a man in their lives or else it represents some level of failure. These types just disgust me because they are voting without using the brains they have. They are a Stepford wife blob moving in unison without purpose or common sense.

BTW, yes, I realize that is Pamela Anderson...this is the image I believe soccer moms all wish they had.

The tax question

I've been seeing ads on TV all the time saying that Sen. Barack Obama isn't ready to lead our nation. That he wants to raise taxes and there will be a 'trickle down effect' that will hurt the average American. My first reaction to that criticism is, didn't anyone pay attention to that 'trickle down' theory crap when Ronald Reagan said we would all benefit from giving rich people more money?

Now, John McCain charges that Obama will raise all of our taxes. Unfortunately, people see the commercial and believe it without researching themselves. But before people swallow the 'hook' on the tax message, EVERY one should learn more.

I am a Democrat and of course I have a dog in this fight so me just saying Obama's plan is better for the middle class won't work. That is why I did some reading myself. According to Associated Press Economics Reporter Martin Crutsinger, if you make less than $250,000 a year, your taxes will be reduced more by Obama. If you make more than $600,000 a year, McCain will reduce your taxes more.

A direct quote from the article states "For the 20 percent of taxpayers right in the middle of the income scale, making roughly between $37,600 and $66,400, the tax break would be $1,118 under the Obama plan and $325 under the McCain plan in 2009, according to the analysis done by the tax center, a joint venture of the Urban Institute and the Brookings Institution, two Washington think tanks."

The sad thing is people will NOT read such articles, believe the lies in the commercials and we will have McCain as president if this information is not promoted. I encourage any and everyone to read this news article "Obama and McCain have big economic differences." Get the facts before you vote!

Back in the saddle again...

I originally created this blog to comment about politics and then my life kind of got in the way. Well, real life is still there and kind of mucking things up a bit but politics has gotten down right historical. Recent events...the Obama candidacy, the choice of Palin...have energized me to at least attempt to comment regularly about these people.

What an amazing time we are living in! Even if you hate Obama and love McCain...we have to admit this is an historic time.

To any that may stumble upon this blog, I make no apologies for being an Obama supporter...otherwise the blog title would be 'Red Girl in a Red State.' No! I'm a Democrat and proud to be so. There is -nothing- McCain/Palin could do or say that would get my vote and I'm not ashamed to say so.

Before I go off on a rant here...Palin doesn't believe in abortion, -even- in the case of rape or incest. I would ask her this if I could, if that woman has that child or rape or incest and doesn't wish to raise the child...what provisions do YOU have to make sure that now abandoned child has to grow up stable? People like her never have an answer for such questions. If I held her position on such an issue, I'd make sure that baby had FREE counseling and work to reform foster care so that the child at least has a chance.

Unlike Palin, I personally know a person who had a child produced by rape. The woman had that baby, loved it, cherished it and still...the child had problems as an adult and youth. It's easy to scream 'no abortions' but I prefer to say let the woman decide!

Where is the outrage???

I like reading news of the weird because most times the stories are good for a 'WTF???' moment or a heart-healthy laugh. Reading yesterday I was stunned and a bit outraged by the story. Oddly enough, while reading it I totally expected this story to be from another country. It was not. It happened right here in Arkansas...please, no Arkansas jokes. I have relatives there but I seriously doubt any are this dense! Also, if this were an American citizen...more people would be talking about it. If this were a white soccer mom from the suburbs, the roof would have been blown off the courthouse.

The story is about a woman, Adriana Torres-Flores, an illegal alien who was arrested. She was placed in a 9.5-by-10.5-foot holding cell.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure (I totally plead the 5th here), holding cells are very basic...no bed, sometimes no restrooms (this one did NOT have a toilet), no windows either. It's just the person, with a bench, in what sometimes amounts to a closet. But it's temporary so not a big deal...UNLESS the friggin' cop FORGETS you are in there!!!

Adriana Torres-Flores sat in that closet cell without food, water, a toilet, no bed or anything for FOUR days! She was placed in custody on Thursday and re-discovered on Monday because they went to place another prisoner in the cell. No one heard her screaming and crying for help...for four days!

I know some will say she's an illegal alien and doesn't deserve great treatment but as a human being, I feel she deserved to be treated decent.

Even worse, the cop who forgot about her was only placed on unpaid administrative leave. The sheriff said it was not purposefully done and should be treated as a learning experience.

That woman could have died. If she were diabetic, she would have died. She had been arrested for selling pirated CDs, she was NOT some major criminal and a danger to society. I can't imagine the nightmares she will have for all those hours she spent wondering if someone would remember her.

I agree illegal aliens should be sent back to their original countries but we should respect a human being enough to treat them well. Such a holding cell where you can't hear the person should not be made. A cop can get busy and forget, this is why you should have either a camera to monitor that cell or people should be clearly heard from the cell.

You can read the story yourself here http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/03/11/national/a111950D05.DTL.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

OK, I admit I am late to the party on this movie. I always intended on watching it. But for whatever reason I just never sat down long enough to get into this movie. I didn't even know what it was about...just thought the name of the film was kind of cool.

Also, Jim Carrey in serious roles tend to bug me. He's an excellent actor, that's not the issue. I just like him being funny.

So, I finally sat down and watched most of this film. It has a way of dragging me in. I didn't watch the whole movie, only bits and pieces, but I think I know what message it sends. If you were in a relationship, broke up and just could not deal with the pain of that relationship ending, what would you do? If someone had a procedure that could wipe away that memory and pain, would you take it? That's a profound question.

I've had several relationships over my lifetime, some good, some bad, but ALL have contributed to the person I am now. Take one or two away (along with the pain) and I would be a different person. Since I like who I am (for the most part) that makes it hard to say 'yes' to erasing any unhappy memories. However, that decision is with 20/20 hindsight.

At the time of pain, heartache and severe sadness, I can't say I wouldn't erase the cause of that pain. When a person is that sad, like Jim Carrey's character in the film, you just want that pain gone and if the memory has to go also, so be it.

A scene in the film that really caught my attention was when Carrey runs into his former girl and she behaves as if she doesn't know him. That's because she opted to erase HIM first. I think that would be more painful than the memory; running into that person and they don't remember you. I don't mean they -pretend- to not know you...they REALLY don't know you.

This movie provokes a lot of emotion if you are coming out of a very emotional relationship. It made me think...and it's depicted in the film...if I could erase that bad relationship, re-meet that person and start over again, would I opt for that? I honestly can't answer that question about any past relationship. I think they all ended for whatever reason and it's best to NOT go back. However, I also remember how much passion, excitement and fun I had at the beginning. To re-live that may be worth another go.

Judgments

I guess people could describe my blogging as 'sporadic' but it's not because I have nothing to say. I have tons of thoughts and opinions...taking time to sit and write them takes commitment, which I tend to lack upon occasion.

But, there are times when things catch my interest and I just have to comment. The thing catching my interest lately is how people judge one another...especially on trivial matters.

Putting things into context...at my job there are a couple younger women I speak with. Both are black and a bit darker than myself. One has a young daughter, the other has a degree in criminal justice. From that description, you can probably guess who has the issue with judging people all the time. Yes, Ms. Criminal Justice!

I was sitting with them both, let's call them 'S' and 'Ms. CJ'.
S began talking about her daughter. Like a proud parent, I had to talk about my son (the light of my life). I have pictures in my wallet of my son too. I showed the photos and Ms. CJ immediately said, "Is he white?" S said he was absolutely too cute!

To look at the two, one would assume that S would have the skin color prejudice being a single mom from the ghetto while Ms. CJ, supposedly educated with her college diploma, would be more open-minded. There reactions blew away my presumptions!

Well, it's not a secret in my family that my son's dad is a white man. It's not considered a huge deal...unless for the past 11 years people have been putting up a front when I walk into a room. However, it wasn't just the question that put me off...it was the expression on Ms. CJ's face. It was a look of disgust. I found out a couple days later that she thinks white men are all unattractive. She admitted she has never seen an attractive white man.

That is one of the most racist things I've ever heard. How can an entire race of people be unattractive? There is beauty in everyone.

Besides not finding whites attractive, I could see the judgment creeping across Ms. CJ's face...it was there...just like a screen scroll across her forehead. She was judging me as less than herself because I not only slept with a white man, I actually married him and had a 'high yellow' baby.

I just think...how limiting is that attitude!? She is a sad, judgmental individual. It shouldn't matter to her who I sleep with. She doesn't have to be with him so why care, why judge? Learn to accept others as they are with out judgment.

Words on a screen

Internet dating is a strange animal. It's not new to me. I dated online back in the Internet "Stone Age," long before Match.com, Yahoo Personals or True. It has it's pluses and minuses but over all the goal was the same...to meet a nice person you can relate to and hopefully build to something nice, good, maybe long lasting.

What was bad? There was no sorting of prospects. I would "meet" someone online only to discover this fantastic guy lived in Finland. Well, dating someone in Finland when you live in Missouri isn't very convenient. He wrote great letters though.

The good, well, every man I met was at least in college or a professional. Back then the only Internet access available was through college (that's how I got on) or through a job, a PROFESSIONAL job. I wasn't meeting ditch diggers, ya' know...not that there is anything wrong with the honorable profession of providing ditches. The most impressive thing was the amount of responses I would get from one posting...a minimum of 75 men would respond...almost all professionals with the occasional e-mail of someone only talking about sex.

Here's the ambiguous part of maybe it was good, maybe it was bad...there were no photos and just text to read. If you like reading like I do, it wasn't such a hassle. If you are a visual person and want the sorting and bells and whistles we have today, you would be out of luck.

But through all that dating, one still has to ask themselves when does the person on the other side of that message stop being just words on a screen and becomes a human being? I thought that issue would be long gone with photos and personality sorting but apparently it has not. People can text, chat, email for months and when meeting face to face STILL only see an object before them. It is perplexing to me how someone can talk to another human being for so long and STILL break that person down to just a group of body parts.

So what is a person to do when you find that your efforts to connect have resulted in yourself being viewed only as a masturbatory aide? You get up and leave.

Dating over the color line

I have been accused of -only- wanting to date white men. That isn't such a huge deal until people realize I'm a black woman. The assumption that I believe black men aren't good enough is not only inaccurate, it's annoying.

I have dated black men in the past, I would in the future if a decent one showed interest. There's the rub...what do I consider a decent black man? well, what do I consider a decent man? Does skin color really make a difference here? Anyone reading should know I'm not that naive.

It's not just skin color. It's years and years of history. Black men have basically been thrown under the bumper of a fast moving bus for most of American history while white men have been the drivers. With a black man I share more than skin color. There is history, culture, experience, a world view in many cases. Black men are a diverse lot with much to offer any woman.

I have relatives who flat out say they never want to date black men. Wow! It's a sad commentary on how black men are viewed in society. Even if some perpetuate the stereotypes with the bling, etc., not all are this way and shouldn't be lumped as so.

Now for what many would call hypocricy on my part...why am I (a newly single mom) dating ONLY white men after being married to a white guy for 10 years? Good question...

I have found that black men have a lot of anger towards their white counterparts, ESPECIALLY if that white man has a black woman on his arm.

I was fortunate enough to have a date recently. Always a shock of happiness when that happens. But as I sat there nursing my Coke across from my date, I realized three black men entering the establishment. None spoke to me but I could feel their eyes drilling through the back of my head. Despite the fantastic conversation going on (I thought it was good, jury may still be out with the guy) I could feel the stares. I thought it was my imagination until I decided to look over my shoulder. There they were, all three, staring, no smiles...I turned back around.

About 10 minutes later, I hear them cancelling their food orders and leaving. Meanwhile in "blissfully ignorant white man date land," my new friend was clueless. I won't clue him in...why spoil his moment of sharing? Since he has dated black women before, I would think he would know but one can never tell.

The problem with diving into the interracial pool is the white men who say, "I've never dated a black woman before, but I'd like to try it..." That's like saying I have never had cupcakes before, but I'd like to try them. It puts a black woman on the level of an object and no one wants to be that. Here's tip to white men who want to date black women, don't say that when she asks if you have ever dated a black woman before. A better answer is a simple no. Or try this, no I haven't dated a black woman before. I think you are attractive and would like to date YOU for YOU!

It's raining men...Halleluah...not so quick

My marriage is ending and I find myself returning to the blissful meadow or more likely, mine field, of dating. The re-focusing of one's mind from a single person, purpose, goal and life to checking out the field of prospects is interesting to say the least.

I went to a religious conference on Friday. The event spoke about bringing Christian values in to the work place. Interesting concept, interesting speakers, interesting that I felt surrounded by men who I viewed as a meat market. Tall, short, fat, thin, bald, long hair, short hair, black, white, business suits, casual gear...all loving the Lord (and probably their wives too). Young spicy numbers, classy mature men, the 40-ish crowd looking confident and set with their worlds. The 30-somethings, still young enough to be dangerous but smart enough to know what they are doing. Late-teens with tons of stamina and energy, 20s with stamina and a bit of imagination. The variety is staggering but put them through a mental filter, test the waters and you realize the “game” remains the same.

There are the men who you barely look at with egos so huge that they think you are in love immediately. Guys who fall like a ton of bricks for you, only to treat you like you have HPV and various other “friends” when they find out you have a child...or they ask for money and you treat them like they have the plague if you are smart.

Rich men who think you only want their money, poor men who only want your money. Sex hounds who say, “Hello, when are we going to rent a motel room?” The motel is needed because he lives with his mom and she won't allow booty-calls in her house. Men who won't touch you until you are properly wed, but are so horny they most likely will mount any vibrating appliance in the house, a washer on the spin cycle is always good for a cheap thrill...find the warm spot.
Men who chat you up, then chat you down. Men who want you to make all the moves, then damn you for being aggressive. Men who make all the moves and damn you for not being receptive.

Then there's the “Anything but black...” syndrome that seems to have grown. Many men won't even give a black woman a try. This is all general, of course, I haven't been single long enough to experience them all but I know they are there...lurking and waiting to waste my time.
Looking is a daunting task, finding a “good one” is always nice. What is a good one...that varies. Even with emotional luggage, a person can open up enough to welcome new friends and relationships. Are there good men out there, of course.

Mr. romance who treats you like a lady...opens doors, holds chairs, carries your coat, lets you wear his if you are cold. He buys flowers, candy, gifts or just gives you a nice foot rub on a bad day. He listens to your personal BS and of course, you listen to his because he wants to share.
The regular old “blue-collar guy,” this guy isn't fancy, isn't really romantic, certainly isn't going to shower you with tons of high-priced gifts but hey, you know when this guy loves you. There is no question about it. You'll be his “old lady” and when he says that, he'll mean it.

Sir with the slow hand, filled with passion and knows how to show it. This would be the opposite of Mr. Speedy Gonzales who wants to take you immediately to a motel. He takes his time, shows affection and lets you figure out when/if more will happen. If you decide more will happen, he makes it worth your while.

There are more men, of course, but dating remains the same. Tell to much and you risk blowing it all. Tell to little and the same could happen. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow but it won't kill you. Whether it's their loss or your shot down dream, it's best to remember if one passes you buy, another will be along. Just wait for him and be ready when he shows up.

Cube news...

As I sat in my cubicle today pretending to work while actually emailing a co-worker about a photo he sent, our HR director bounced by. I usually ignore her when she bounces but the sudden ca-clack sound made as she passed caused me to look up. She was, of course, gone by the time I looked but she left a calling card.

Our cubes are metal hand-me-downs from some company that thought industrial metal with fake rivits and purple cloth trim and black borders was good looking. In reality, the metal tends to be cold and industrial, the purple is a weak attempt at accents and the black is just, well, black. Anway...I'm surrounded by metal.

As I looked to the area that generated the sound, I saw something new...my last name. I immediately didn't like it. I suddenly feel like a dog in a kennel...My name is (fill in blank). I have been here for almost two years, paid poorly but I am getting a raise soon. I should appreciate the company's efforts to make this a good workplace but that doesn't stop me from job hunting.

I commend my new employers (the company was bought about a year ago). They have provided new computers, phone system, working environment and mo' money. However, growth in the job is stagnant. I'm writing the same types of things I wrote 5 years ago...no growth potential. Instead of a malignant cancerous tumor that at least grows, my job resembles the benighn variety...a living lump of flesh that just takes up space without purpose. At least I have some fun co-workers.



Today, someone asked if black people could sunburn. You funny white folk.

“That Kid...”

I've learned a few life lessons this week...either learned them or got a refresher course. Maybe I shouldn't call them life lessons...maybe they are just moments to remember and ponder about people and the world.

The week started typically with work on Monday...nothing special. Life's curve balls usually come at you when you aren't looking. Off the top of my head I would have to say the curve came Thursday in an employee meeting in the form of new rules to govern the staff. I knew they were coming so I was not surprised. What amazed me was the dichotomy in reactions...youthful naivety to mature rebellion. I am more on the mature side of the issue, however, the mature people already knew there is no fighting this dictate. It is to be managed, like any other new unpopular rule brought down upon us by the 'benevolent dictator,' a name embraced by the person in question and NOT given by me.

The youthful naivety ranged from, “these rules aren't so bad – it's better than the last place i worked,” to “now people who aren't working will have to work.” Maybe I am getting old but both attitudes show a level of youthful ignorance that amused me. The attitude that this is better than the last place I worked is short-sighted. If you worked in a cesspool, then almost anything is better. The rules making someone do their job, that's just ignorant. Nothing can make a person work, only themselves. As i predicted and warned, the people that were supposed to jump up and be there for the new set hours did not follow them. All the workers who do their work follow the new rules. Oh the folly of youth.

Now to the neurosis part. Complaining about the rules to a co-worker yielded a bizarre response that led me to realize “that kid” can sometimes grow into “that adult.” So who is “that kid?” You know...the kid who had no friends, was neurotic and when you tried to be friends with this person they had a panic attack and YOU ended up in trouble for “bothering that kid.”

I shared my frustrations with the new rules with a co-worker and somehow my opinions and complaining became an attack...at least to this person. How this person heard me calling names and making accusations in a few gripes about the boss, i have no idea...then i realized...OH, this person is “that kid,” now “that adult.”

I have to wonder what makes “that kid” and further wonder how “that adult” won't fix whatever it is that makes them so neurotic. They have to know it's not a desirable quality.

OLD...

When, exactly, did I become old? I don't feel any different than I did at 30 but at 40, people view you differently.

Suddenly, you just aren't that sexy. Is that true or a figment of younger people's imagination. I vote for the later and would like to throw a heavy dose of hypocrisy in there too.

The same youngsters who would look me in the eye and tell me I am too old for this or that, are the same people who would jump all over Demi Moore, Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie. Ok, Angelina is in her 30s but still, if she were 40+ youngsters wouldn't care. By 'youngsters,' I mean the 20-somethings who think they are the shit simply because of youth.

Young women who say the same, would not throw George Clooney or Brad Pitt out of their beds so what's the BS about 40 being old?

That is what it is, BS. According to Aging Research, many older people are in much better shape than the young ones...in ALL respects, including sex. We have all heard the saying, "Just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there isn't a fire in the furnance." The most strange thing about this is, younger people may think older people know nothing about nothing.

Before I go off on a rant, I have to say I was never that young. I realized years ago that as a youth I was lucky to know as much as I did. I did then, and do now, have great respect for the wisdom of older people while at the same time I'm amazed at the stupidity of youth.

So, what brought on the rant...nothing in particular...a few comments/jokes about my age from a certain someone who can't deal with someone at 40 being cooler than all his little 20-something friends.

As a self-professed girl mega-geek, I am a pretty hot catch for any male geek. Problem is, many male geeks are brain dead when it comes to girls/women.

The virgin myth

I wish I could say adult virgins are a mystery to me. Like some people who attract wife beaters, drug addicts, toxic-waste people, I tend to primarily attract one type of men -- virgins. I don't know why this burden was dumped upon me but it was. I have dated no less than probably four adult virgins in my lifetime and even married one. By adult virgins, I don't mean 18. The virgins I dated were all into their 20s, some past mid-20, my husband was about 26.

The first question that comes to mind is, how/why would a man want to NOT have sex for so long. Personal experience tells me it's because of sexual hang-ups. I know people will say, "I'm saving myself for marriage," or "I just haven't found the right girl yet..." but that's all crap. The real reason grown men don't have sex is simple, they have sex issues and probably intimacy issues too. Someone told them it was nasty, bad and dirty and they believed it then and still believe it now. However, at 5 years old your body does not work like it does when you are 25.

How does a man at 25 deny his bodily urges...an urge that wakes up in the morning. Well, abstinance pledges are usually the reason and these tidy little contracts create the worst virgins I have ever met. People promise to save themselves for marriage, "THE ONE" who will be their spouse forever. Problem is, the virgin's genitals don't get that message that they should -only- get excited for the 'right' person. When the genitals turn on for the wrong person, what's a guy to do? Commit a different sin, masturbate...and even worse, become a tease.

Male adult virgins find women who are sexually experienced and turn on the charm to tease them. They enjoy seeing a woman get sexually excited, it validates their egos as men to be able to get a woman sexually excited but keeps them safe and sound from intimacy (physical and mental) because they never fulfill the promise of satisfaction. In fact, the woman gets a great big dose of frustration while the man feels superior having defeated the demon of sexual urge. In fact, the teasing is just a masturbatory aid of a different kind. He wants her but she isn't 'good enough,' whatever that means, to have intercourse with. However, he may do every other kinky bit of sex available but still claim to be a virgin because he hasn't had regular old intercourse.

I tell my virgin dating buddies (only deflowered my husband) one day you will grow up and realize all that slipping, sliding and slurping is sex too. You didn't have vaginal intercourse but you were having sex. It's just a lie to say "I am a virgin" when you have had your goodies played with by another person. Stop lying to yourselves and get laid.

Dating rules

As a transplant from California to Missouri I have the interesting position to compare cultural differences between places. While both places have their faults, I understand more and more why people her are so tense about things...dating for instance.

Most people have dating rules. If you aren't a pervert, you don't scope for dates at an elementary school. If you aren't a hillbilly, you certainly don't look for dates at a family reunion. Those rules, i think, are universal. I'm talking about silly rules (at least to me) that dictate people's lives. They live by them and refuse to let such things go.

I know someone who told me today that he won't date anyone outside of a 3 year range of his age. Color me confused. What if you meet someone 5 years older or younger who just lights up your life. Oops, can't date her, she's not within range.

Or another example, this person said she will not date short men...they must be 6-foot for her to even consider dating him. That comment drew an even bigger WTF from me than the other one. This same incredibly deep person felt I was advocating immoral behavior because i cheered Angelina Jolie's choice to be a single mom.

People I have met here do that without a hiccup...say something shallow then follow it with judgment about someone else. I don't get it and hope I never will.

Whites only scholarship

Once again, a group of uneducated whites are trying to prove that they are discriminated against when it comes to scholarships directed at minority groups.

Joe Mroszczyk, president of the College Republicans at Boston University, created a $250 Caucasian Achievement and Recognition Scholarship. Applicants must have a cumulative grade point average of 3.2 or higher; they must write two essays; and must be at least one-quarter Caucasian.

The guy said it is to spark debate. OK, we can debate. He says racially based scholarships are 'ridiculous.' That's because he's a white guy...and a Republican. (and they wonder why many minorities don't like that political party)

He calls this "racial preferences." That is what is ridiculous. Specifying that someone must have a certain amount of one particular race (not even half, but one-quarter) is not a racial preference. His scholarship and attitude are in error because it presumes an equal playing field exists. Whites are not facing discrimination because a few minorities have created paths for success for themselves. In fact, it was the exclusivity of the whites that caused these types of stepping stones to be created in the first place.

If minorities had been treated fairly in the first place, such scholarships for minorities would not have been created. If we were treated fairly now, those scholarships would disappear. An example is with baseball. When baseball was segregated, the Negro Leagues was created. After baseball began accepting blacks, the Negro Leagues went away.

My last point on this issue is this...if whites really think they are facing racial discrimination in any form, please tell me which minority group you would be willing to trade places with.

Don't equivocate about having self pride...if minorities are so priviledged (your word, not mine) then which group would you like to be?

Can we gloat yet?

As I write this it is midnight and the beginning of a new day for the country. Thank God people pulled their heads out of the sand...or maybe a darker smelly part of their body...and now see what has been happening. It's sad that it took so much for people to stop being scared of the terrorists and realize what is happening in this country.

I think Nancy will be a fantastic Speaker of the House. Nothing against the other guy but finally, it is time for a woman to have that power. It has been long past time for a change. How many more people have to die in Iraq? We have lost that war, that is clear. You can't fight a concept, you have to fight a country.

I guess it is needless to say that I am happy as a pig is slop to see my candidates win. However, sadly, Sara Jo Shettles lost in Clay County. Sam Graves, Bush's personal lap dog/attack mutt, defeated her with his money and connections. Otherwise the people of Clay County would have to be just as delusional as our president. Graves votes with the president on every issue and cares nothing for the environment and rewards big oil. Check out his record. This I know from dealing with his people. He is too big a wuss to talk directly to the press. Yet, the people of Clay County re-elected the bum.

Regardless, things are about to change in this country and it is not coming a minute too soon. I love it when my party wins!

Can I hate him any more???

Ward Connerly is a piece of work. I can not believe this man but I must realize these types have always existed. These are people who sell out their own race to get spoon fed personal priviledges. This is Ward Connerly. He is leading a nation wide effort to destroy Affirmative Action because he feels it is unfair and discriminatory to whites.

Apparently we have never had successful white businessmen, presidents, politicians, or religious leaders. The white people of this country are being held down by blacks benefitting from Affirmative Action.

To let you know how sick this Connerly guy is, his initiative to kill Affirmative Action in Michigan is backed by the Ku Klux Klan. Did he disavow them? NO! He welcomes the endorsement from a group that sanctioned violence and murder of people of Connerly's race. He has stooped so low it is beyond disgusting. It shows a level of self hate this man has that is truly amazing.

Many whites in California, where Connerly was successful and many young minorities AND women are now suffering from his campaign, admired Connerly. Many white women in denial that they also benefitted from AA voted to kill AA. Now, I hope they really see this man for who he really is...a self-hating black man who would have helped slave masters kill other slaves to ensure his life was safe.

Man as God, more stem-cell stuff

As I studied more and more about stem-cell research and why opponents oppose
this issue, it struck me that no one is asking a particularly critical
question. Opponents keep saying that the cell created by SNCT is a full
human being. They say that cell is a clone. There is the problem.

If that cell is a full human being made in the likeness of God, how did
human beings create it? When a scientist creates that blastocyst, is he/she
suddenly elevated to level of God. That scientist, according to the
religious opponents to stem-cell research, has created a new human being.
Only God can create life so how can this scientist do so also?

The critical issue that the evangelists don't want to talk about is that to
create a "full human being" one must either be God or be doing something
that God allows. I saw this in the creation process. Many would say God
allows us to do a lot of bad things. However, those bad things are typically
a destructive process, not creation.

Also, if the evangelists oppose stem-cell research, they should also oppose
in-vitro fertilization. That process also experiments on humans...the mother
and the child. The dad, pardon the crudeness, just gets to play with himself
a bit then worry about medical procedures his wife must endure.

I support Missouri's Amendment 2. As a person who has done IVF and who has a
disease that may be cured by stem-cell research, I'd be a hypocrite and a
fool to oppose this.